


Hakuoki: Oni no Chi

by Celosia



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Arranged Marriage, Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Death, Demon Blood, Demon/Human Relationships, F/M, Fluff, Furies/Rasetsu, Hazing, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I really liked the way the Oni in the Hakuoki movies were portrayed, Injury, Injury Recovery, Lots of plot, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Ochimizu | Water of Life (Hakuouki), Onna-bugeisha, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Samurai, Some Humor, Torture, Weapons, animal companion, so definitely took some reference from the movies with their auras and powers and stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23367520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celosia/pseuds/Celosia
Summary: Monster... Freak... Demon...Kaien Kururugi, Kondou's niece, had always been different, but it was through training at her uncle's dojo that she finally found a place that she felt she belonged. However, when her parents start making plans to marry her off, everything Kaien had worked for ends up being tossed to the wayside as she's forced to give up the life that she had once known. Years later, after an accident leaves her presumed dead, Kaien travels to Kyoto in the disguise of a man, only to reunite with the men of her past when she saves Chizuru's life from a pair of Furies. With new threats quickly arising around every corner, will she be able to tell the Shinsengumi the truth about her identity? Or will she be forced to watch the man she loves fall in love with someone else?
Relationships: Harada Sanosuke (Hakuouki)/Original Female Character(s), Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Prologue

A cloaked figure stepped out of the darkness, walking towards the house. A small bundle was in the figure’s arms. It hastily placed the bundle on the steps of the house, knocking on the door as snow began to fall.

Inside the house, a man approached the door. As it opened, the figure disappeared into the darkness once again. The man, confused, knelt down on the steps, a small cry emanating from the cloth bundle. Picking up the bundle, he entered the house, calling out for the woman that was in her room.

At the sound of the man’s voice, she went to the common room where the man was waiting. Clutched to his chest was a blanket. As she approached the man, the blanket fell back from the top of the bundle. It revealed the small head of a child. The child yawned, blinking open its eyes. Upon viewing the man and woman, the child resumed its slumber.

Four younger children entered the room sleepily, having heard the commotion made by their parents. They remained silent as they watched their mother rock the new child in her arms before kneeling down so that the four boys could look at the new arrival. The youngest boy, only a year old, placed his hand on the baby’s cheek. The baby opened its eyes, which were golden and slitted like a cat’s, and let out a high peal of laughter as it reached out to touch the cheek of the boy in return. He smiled as the two eldest boys, four year old twins, led him back to their room.

The remaining boy, a two year old, merely stared at the child before him, completely mystified. The aura he felt resonating from the baby was much different from that of his siblings, his parents, or even their maids. It frightened him, but at the same time, he felt obligated to protect it. The child reached out a small hand toward him which he grasped with his own. The golden feline eyes of the child locked with the bright blue eyes of the boy for several moments until the child yawned again and nestled against the woman’s breast before returning to its peaceful slumber.

The man led the boy back to his room with his brothers before returning to his wife. Upon returning, the man discovered that the child was in fact a girl. Their prayers to their gods had finally been answered. A female child had finally been delivered unto them. Not to say that they didn’t love their sons, but there was a tradition that had been established by their clan’s ancestors in which a female heir was needed.

The couple praised their good fortune and planned for a celebratory feast later that week. As the man returned to his bed, his wife remained in the common area, stroking the wisps of golden hair on the young infant’s head. She finally had a daughter to call her own. She couldn’t begin to count the number of sleepless nights she had spent praying to the gods for this day to come, and now she held the purpose of her existence in her arms.

Smiling, she returned to her rooms where her husband was already sound asleep. Lying down on the futon, the woman began pondering over names that she had wished to name her daughter. While gazing at the child asleep in her arms, she knew that she’d found the perfect name for her: Kaien Kururugi.


	2. Ch. 1: Birthday Blossoms

“Kaien-chan! Wake up!” Jikonza, my youngest brother, yelled in my ear.

“Not so loud, Ji-kun,” I muttered.

“But it’s the day of your birthday party! You’re finally seven years old, and Papa said that he got you a special present this year. He said that it was something that you had asked him for last year.” Jikonza tilted his head to the side, his red hair hiding his brown eyes. “What did you ask for?”

“Oh… Nothing special.” I smiled reassuringly.

In truth, I was excited beyond belief. I remembered the conversation as if it were yesterday.

_ “Papa? May I ask you something?” I asked one night after watching my eldest brothers, the twins Shinsami and Tosuke, sparring with the practice swords that they received for their birthdays. _

_ “Anything for you, Kaien-chan. What does my lovely daughter want from her father?” he asked, setting me on his lap. _

_ “I…” I hesitated. _

_ “Yes?” _

_ Taking a deep breath, I steeled my courage. “I want to become a samurai! I want to learn how to fight and use a sword and protect people. I want to be like my brothers.” I bowed my head, refusing to let my tears fall. _

_ Father lifted my chin, sighing. “For your seventh birthday, I will help your dream start. But being a samurai is more than about fighting; it is a lifestyle. Are you sure you would want to live that type of life?” _

_ I nodded, my mind already set. _

_ He pulled me close to him, holding me in his long muscled arms from years of training at a dojo. “If it is that important to you, then I will help. But you must remember this: girls are not allowed to become samurai, so you would have to train in disguise as a boy.” Father smiled at me. “But your brothers will help you with that. Ryouga is particularly protective of you, Kaien-chan.” _

_ “Ryouga-kun?” I tilted my head, remembering the first time that I had seen his blue eyes. “Thank you so much, Papa…” I jumped down off his lap after giving him a kiss on the cheek. _

A small sigh fell from my lips as I smiled to myself.  _ That’s right, _ I thought to myself.  _ He promised to help me start on my path as a samurai _ .

“Ji-kun? Can you send Kiko-san in to help with my kimono?”

“Of course, K-chan.” Jikonza’s amber brown eyes lit up as he rushed down the hall to find the housekeeper.

Almost as soon as he left, Ryouga entered my room. “Big brother!” I exclaimed, giving him a hug.

“Hello, little sister.” He petted my golden hair. “Your hair is getting longer.” He’s right. The tips were brushing my shoulders now.

“It’s the same length as yours, big brother.”

Ryouga subconsciously felt his own black hair. “So it is.” He flashed one of his rare smiles that he saved only for me. “Mama said that breakfast is ready.”

“Oh. I have to wait for Kiko-san to help me with my new kimono,” I murmured with a frown.

“I can help you,” Ryouga mumbled nonchalantly.

“Eh? But...you’re a boy!? It would be too...awkward.” I felt my cheeks turning red.

“How’s this different from when I used to change your diapers? Or when we went swimming in the lake together?” Ryouga raised an eyebrow. “We’re siblings. That’s all that matters, right?”

“...Yes,” I mumbled as he took out my new formal kimono that was made of a fine golden silk with black and blue dragons embroidered onto the fabric.

Helping me out of my pajamas, Ryouga quickly and gently fastened the kimono around me. He took a comb, running it through my hair before placing it into a high bun. Then he positioned an ornamental black dragon comb into my hair before latching the black pearl necklace around my neck and applying a light layer of make-up. Backing away, he led me to the mirror and stood me in front of it, critiquing his work. His eyes bored into mine in the mirror.

“Thank you, Ryouga-sama.”

“Eh?” he exclaimed, a blush spreading across his face before a scowl tugged at his lips. “Don’t call me that.”

I turned around, small arms looping around him as I embraced him. “Sorry, big brother. I just wanted you to laugh.

He sighed, wrapping his arms around me as Kiko and Jikonza walked into the room, Kiko’s hair wet.

“Kiko-san? What happened?” Ryouga murmured.

“Master Ryouga. Please forgive my appearance. Master Jikonza interrupted my morning rituals.” Kiko glared at Ji who just shook his head, his face as red as his hair. “I was told that Lady Kaien needed help…”

“That is not necessary,” Ryouga interrupted. “Go make sure that all of the other preparations are ready.”

Kiko bowed to us. “Yes, young master,” she murmured as she left, dragging Ji away with her.

Letting go, Ryouga took my hand and led me to the dining area for our breakfast before we returned to his room in order to eat.

“Are you excited?” Ryouga asked, setting down the trays.

“Yes, but…” I hesitated, chewing lightly on my lip.

“What is it?” He sat next to me, chopsticks in hand.

“I don’t like all of the ceremonial stuff that Mama and Papa plan. It makes me feel...like I have butterflies in my stomach. But I want Mama and Papa to be happy so I don’t complain about it.” I stared down at the rice and fruit on my plate. “Especially wearing the kimonos…”

Ryouga sighed next to me. “Would it make you feel any better if I dressed up as well?”

“Big brother will wear a kimono?” I stared at him in awe. “But he will look like a girl then, and Ji-kun and Twins-kuns would laugh at him…”

Ryouga slapped his forehead lightly. “I’m not going to wear a girl kimono.” He paused before taking a bite of fish. “I’ll show you in a little bit.”

“Okay,” I exclaimed cheerily, eating a bite of papaya.

Finishing his food, Ryouga went over and opened his chest-of-drawers and pulled out a gold, black, and blue kimono-like outfit. It looked very similar to my kimono: golden silk material with blue and black dragons. However, his outfit was just like a long shirt that went down to mid-thigh along with black pants that had golden thread at the hems and a black sash that went around the waist.

“It’s really pretty, big brother, but… Why does it match my kimono?”

Ryouga turned his head away to hide a small blush. “I...asked for them to be made,” he mumbled under his breath.

I turned my back toward him as he changed into the outfit, my brother sitting next to me when he was down, laying his sword to his left. “You look very nice, big brother,” I commented lightly with a smile.

“T-Thank you. When you are done, we shall leave.” He sat silently next to me, watching as I continued to eat.

“Big brother… Why am I so different?”

I felt him start next to me at the question. “What do you mean by different?”

Looking down at my hands, I shook my head, muttering under my breath, “It must just be my imagination.” I turned to Ryouga with a smile. “Let’s go.”

Ryouga’s blue eyes pierced mine before he stood up and took my hand. “Alright…” He opened the door, leading me outside to the courtyard, near the blooming cherry blossom trees and the koi pond. “We must wait here for Kiko-san to fetch us.”

He set me down on the bench under the tree before stepping back and unsheathing his sword. Repositioning his feet, Ryouga leapt upwards about ten feet, his sword slashing outwards. Landing a foot in front of me, a fully bloomed cherry blossom landed in Ryouga’s outstretched hand, his sword already sheathed. He knelt down before me, offering the flower to me. “Thank you, big brother,” I murmured, noticing his blush as I said that.

The sound of clapping came from the steps near the house, causing both of us to jump in surprise. A boy near the age of Ryouga sauntered towards us. “Another strong opponent,” he smirked, green eyes shining. His right hand rested lightly on his sword before drawing it. As my brother was about to draw his own sword, I rushed in front of him, arms stretched out protectively as I faced the unknown boy.

“You will  _ not _ fight my brother, baka-dono,” I hissed out, glaring at him until he sheathed his sword.

“Heh.” Speaking to Ryouga, he murmured, “So you have to have a little girl protect you. How pathetic.”

My anger rose inside me, vicious as a serpent as I drew Ryouga’s sword despite his protests. “ _ Never _ insult my brother again, if you value your life.”

“Kaien-chan,” Ryouga warned under his breath.

I shot a glare back at him until he relented, backing up a couple of paces. Planting my feet, I braced myself, pushing away the fear that was beginning to creep into the pit of my stomach. “If you are going to fight someone, then fight me.”

The green-eyed boy stared at me, incredulous. Then he burst out laughing. “Me? Fight you? Don’t be naive. You’re just a weak little girl who doesn’t stand a chance.” Wiping away a tear as he recovered from his laughing fit, he grew more serious as he continued. “Don’t make a joke like that again...or else I’ll have to kill you.”

I could feel Ryouga tense behind me.

“I am prepared to die to defend the honor of my family,” I proclaimed, hoping that he couldn’t see past my already wavering bravado.

The boy frowned, turning away from me and making my anger rise when it felt like he was going to back out after all of that. Suddenly, he whirled around with his sword in hand, green eyes glimmering darkly in anticipation. My grip on my sword tightened as I mimicked the other’s stance, finding him leaping forward all too fast towards me, bringing the sword down. I managed to lift the sword and block his attack, even pushing him back a few paces. He narrowed his eyes as he pushed forward, launching several rapid attacks that made the sword fly from my hand. My eyes closed as I fell backwards into Ryouga’s arms that wrapped securely around me right as the cold blade pressed against my neck.

Opening my eyes, I watched as the boy withdrew his sword, sheathing it. “Do that again, and I’ll kill you.” Regardless, he stretched out his hand to me which I hesitantly accepted as he pressed his lips to the backs of my fingers in what could be deemed a chivalrous kiss…if he hadn’t just tried to attack me just moments earlier and threatened to kill me. “Souji Okita.”

“Kaien Kururugi.”

“So you’re the birthday girl… You need to work on your swordsmanship. You’ll never survive with the skills you have now.”

“Swordsmanship? But…I’ve never used a sword before in my life. I’m only seven,” I stated, holding up the corresponding number of fingers.

“Eh!?” His eyes widened. “You’ve never used a sword before!?” Closing his eyes, he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “And you challenged me to a fight…” Okita opened his eyes, glaring daggers at me. “Do something stupid like that again, and I really will kill you…”

“Hey! Souji! What are you doing?” A tall young man with black hair and swords on his left hip stepped out of the house, grinning as he noticed Ryouga and me. “Kaien-chan! Ryouga-kun!” He exclaimed, pulling us both into a large hug.

“Can’t...breathe...uncle…” Ryouga managed in gasps, causing the man to let go.

“Uncle?” Okita and I asked at the same time.

“It’s been a while since he last visited so you probably don’t remember him,” Ryouga murmured with a shrug, going over to retrieve his sword. “He’s usually busy running his dojo, so he doesn’t get the chance to visit often, even though we go and practice at his dojo sometimes.”

I stepped back, staring up at the man before me. He was moderately tall with short black hair and brown eyes, dressed in a simple yet traditional yukata. The handles and scabbards of the swords were slightly worn with age and use.

“Are you the one that saved the kittens from the dog?” I asked.

Uncle blushed lightly, looking away as he let out a boisterous albeit sheepish laugh. “Yes. Why’d you have to bring that up?”

I stared at him, watching as he flinched slightly with my next words. “You look shorter than I remember… Isami Kondou.”

Ryouga put his hand on my shoulder. “My apologies, uncle, for my sister’s words.”

“Why?” I lifted my chin, staring defiantly at Ryouga. “I said nothing wrong.”

“Even so, it was still impolite,” he scolded, making my eyes water.

“Big brother, stop being mean…”

“Sorry, little sister, but you must respect your elders.”

“But big brother…”

“Oi!” A voice called out from the steps of the house, a boy close to seventeen years old with long black hair and stern violet eyes walking up to us. “Kondou-sama, your sister is looking for you.” His icy gaze locked with mine before walking over to Okita and whispering something in his ear, going back into the house soon afterwards.

“Sorry, Kaien-chan, Ryouga-kun. Looks like I’ll have to talk with you guys later,” Kondou chuckled, waving as he left.

Okita sighed, running his hand through his hair. “Sheesh. That guy.”

Turning to him, I tilted my head to the side. “Okita-kun, who was that boy just now?”

Glancing out of the corner of his eyes, he smirked. “Him? He’s the Demon. Toshizo Hijikata.” Green eyes darkened. “I will not lose to him again. Even if I admire his swordsmanship, I will not lose.”

“Let me guess… You’ll kill him.”

Okita started, looking at me before a smirk spread across his face. “Heh, yeah.” His eyes locked with mine before turning away and walking toward the house. At the door, he stopped with his hands behind his head. “You coming, birthday girl?” he called over his shoulder before walking inside.

I heard Ryouga sigh as he took my hand, leading me to the door that Okita, Hijikata, and Kondou had previously entered: it was the door that led to the dining hall. “Wait here,” he instructed before slipping in through the door.

Putting my back against the wall, I exhaled slowly, staring down at my feet. This was definitely the most...exciting birthday that I’ve ever had, if only for the fact that there were so many strangers in my home.

“Oi, you okay, miss?” a new voice spoke.

“Eh, Sano? What are you doing?” a second voice added.

Looking up, I saw a red-haired boy standing next to a brown-haired boy, both of them wearing swords on their left sides.

“Ah, Shinpachi, I’m just helping the girl,” the redhead murmured, kneeling on his knee in front of me. “Are you lost?”

I stared at him incredulously, gaze trailing down to the other’s chest, raising an eyebrow at the hint of bandages peeking out from beneath the male’s shirt.

The brown-haired boy that the other called Shinpachi stood behind him, his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. “Can she even talk?”

I glared at him, making him flinch. “I can speak perfectly well. I’m far from illiterate.”

The redhead named Sano, I believe was what Shinpachi had called him, laughed. “Hey, Shinpachi. You just got scolded by a little girl!”

Shinpachi huffed, wrapping an arm around Sano’s neck and putting him into a headlock. “You wanna say that again, Sanosuke?”

Sano tapped the brunette’s arm. “Can’t...breathe.”

He loosened his grip, but Sanosuke twisted away and tackled Shinpachi. “Oi! Sano!”

A small giggle escaped my lips as I watched the two roughhouse like brothers. The two stopped immediately, both blushing slightly.

“You finally smiled,” the red-headed boy said, grinning.

I blushed, still smiling and giggling. Stepping forward, my foot caught on the bottom of my kimono. My eyes closed as I fell forward, expecting to land face first on the hard ground. Instead, strong arms encircled me, keeping me safe. Opening my eyes, warm amber eyes met mine. A small shiver ran down my spine.

“Kaien-chan!” Ryouga exclaimed from behind me, pulling me away from Sanosuke. He pushed me behind him protectively, his hand on his sword. Ryouga faced Sanosuke and Shinpachi.

“Big brother…” I pleaded, pulling at the hem of his shirt.

Ryouga didn’t respond. He just glared at the two young pre-teens until they backed away with their hands up.

“Oi, no need to be so uptight.” Shinpachi rolled his eyes. “We didn’t intend to harm the girl at all.”

“Likely story,” Ryouga spat out, mumbling under his breath.

“So you don’t believe us?” Sanosuke asked, a deadly glint in his now cold eyes. As his hand reached for his sword, Ryouga drew his and began to charge at Sanosuke.

However, I was quicker. Throwing myself in front of Sanosuke, I felt the bite of a blade against my cheek, covering the cheek with my hand. It was wet. There was no pain though. Subconsciously, I wiped my cheek with the hem of my sleeve, staring at Ryouga who had visibly paled. His sword was on the floor, blood staining the tip.

“Ryouga-niisan. Do not draw your sword again today. Sanosuke-niisan kept me from falling when I tripped on my kimono. So please apologize for attacking him.”

“Kaien-chan…” His voice was filled with grief.

I turned around to face Sanosuke. “Please accept my apologies for the behavior of my brother.” I bowed at his feet. “He was previously challenged by Okita-kun, and is still bitter about it. So he is not as calm as normal. And because I am his sister, it makes his temperament fluctuate when I am involved. So please…”

Sanosuke’s fingers tilt my head up. “It’s my fault for provoking him.” Taking my hand, he kissed me on the knuckles. “And don’t do anything reckless like that again.”

“She did this morning with Okita. When he had challenged me,” Ryouga mumbled, his voice distant and his face still pale.

“Souji?” Shinpachi asked.

“He challenged me, but Kaien-chan stole my sword and challenged him herself,” Ryouga continued.

“That’s like asking to be killed.” Shinpachi scratched his neck. “Why would a little girl go around trying to get herself killed?”

“I’m not,” I murmured, looking at my hand that was still nestled in Sanosuke’s, “trying to get killed. But if I must die to protect those whom are treated unjustly, then I will. That’s what a samurai would do.”

A silence fell among us.

“Well said,” a deep male voice said, “Kaien-chan.” Smiling, my father welcomed me into his arms. “You pass the test.”

“Thank you, Papa.”

“The ceremony is ready to begin.” He began to lead me into the ceremonial dining room.

An ominous presence made me stop though. Turning around, I saw a man standing by the wall of the courtyard, his hair the same golden color as mine though his eyes appeared to be blood-red. It felt as though he were staring right through me. The moment I blinked though, he disappeared along with the ominous presence.

“Kaien-chan?” Sanosuke asked. “Are you coming?”

“Um… Yes,” I said, glancing back at the wall once more before entering the room with Ryouga by my side.

The room was elaborately decorated with lanterns, streamers, and good luck charms. Vases with lilies, cherry blossoms, and orange blossoms lined the walls and were placed on the long dining mat in the middle of the room. Golden dragon statues were also placed around the room. On the dining mat, white china plates with intricate golden designs were placed at thirteen dark blue place mats on the floor. Next to the plates are black and gold chopsticks.

Mother was already in the room, speaking to Kondou and a green-haired man. Hijikata, Okita, and my three other brothers were standing by the wall, tense. Sanosuke and Shinpachi stood closer to Hijikata and Okita. Father walked over to Mother and Uncle, speaking in a low voice.

Speaking up, Father addressed the room. “For now, we shall dine before the festivities begin.” He sat at the head of the mat. Mother and Uncle sat on either side of Father. The green-haired man sat next to Uncle, then Hijikata, Shinpachi, Sanosuke, and Okita sat down in order. Tosuke, Shinsami, Jikonza, and Ryouga sat down on the side that our mother was sitting on. I sat next to Ryouga, across from Okita. Father clapped his hands, and a procession of handmaidens came into the room wearing beautiful kimonos. They were carrying bowls of miso soup, which they set in front of each of us. “Itadakimasu.”

Everyone ate in silence before making small talk.

I sighed discontentedly.  _ Who was that man from earlier? Was it just my imagination? _

“Hey, birthday girl!” Okita murmured. “Why so glum?”

I looked up at him. His green eyes were intense.

“If you don’t cheer up…” He paused for a second before continuing, “I’ll kill you.”

I stared at him as the second course was served.

“Oi, Okita-kun. Don’t go around threatening the girl,” Sanosuke said, pointing at him with his chopsticks.

“Not my fault,” he muttered, eating the fish and rice dish in front of him.

I looked at my own dish of tofu and rice, wrinkling my nose.  _ I hate tofu… _

Sanosuke looked at my plate. “You don’t have fish?”

The heat rose to my face as I picked at the rice.

Ryouga cleared his throat. “She gets sick when she eats it.” He ate a piece of his own fish, his expression guarded as he stared at Sanosuke.

The next course was brought out soon after. It was katsudon, my favorite. Fried panko-coated pork with rice and vegetables in a sweet-soy sauce. I stuffed a couple of pieces of the port into my mouth. Sanosuke stared at me with a gentle smile on his face, making me blush. Swallowing, I ate slower in an attempt to not seem rude, the heat of my blush refusing to leave my cheeks.

The final course consisted of a variety of desserts including dango and pocky with a cup of tea. By this time, the sun was close to setting.

Father clapped his hands, drawing our attention. “Now...for the entertainment.”

A gong sounded and I could smell the incense burning as twelve exotic dancers entered the room, the musicians in the room that they came from. They put on an extravagant display of beauty and grace. All of the males in the room were staring at the dancers. Or at least...almost all of them. Ryouga and Sanosuke were having a staring contest, and Okita was picking at the handle of his sword, looking bored.

When a thirteenth dancer entered the room, my father stood up and clapped, causing the dancers to stop and the music to subside. The dancer was carrying a long pillow covered by a light blanket. Uncle stood next to Father.

“Kaien Kururugi,” Kondou said. “Come forth.”

Ryouga stood as well, accompanying me to the front of the room. My heart was in my throat as I stood in front of the two men.

“Kaien,” Uncle started, “your father has told me of your wish. Are you still certain that you wish to follow this path despite the danger you will face?”

I sense Ryouga tense behind me. “Yes,” I answered, my voice filled with conviction.

“If that is your answer…” Father said, turning to the dancer beside him. She knelt down on her knees, holding the pillow up towards Father. He pulled off the blanket, handing it to another dancer that came up next to him.

On the pillow was a katana. The blade was a strong, flawless steel. The handle was black, but there was a golden dragon relief wrapped around it. The scabbard, which lay next to it, was black with the same golden dragon relief spiraled about it. The metal seemed to emit a slight glow, but perhaps that was merely a trick of the light.

I reached forward to pick it up, but Ryouga pulled me back. “Otou-san! Are you insane? She’s still just a kid! Do you want her to get killed?”

I slapped Ryouga’s hand away, glaring at him. “You’re still a kid too, so don’t act like you aren’t.”

Father stepped forward, separating us. “Ryouga. I disagree with this as much as you, but the reason I’m doing this is so that Kaien can protect herself until  _ that _ time has come.”

Ryouga sighed, slumping his shoulders in defeat. “Yes, otou-san.” He avoided my gaze as he bowed in front of Father. “I’m sorry.”

_ What time are they talking about? What’s going to happen? _

Father nodded at me to pick up the sword.

Stretching my fingers out, I felt a light electric buzz emitting from the sword. It stretched towards my fingers, beckoning me. Taking hold of the hilt, a shudder ran through my body, melding my soul and the soul of the sword together. A small sigh escaped my lips as I lifted the sword, feeling its weight resting in my hand. A slight glow surrounded the sword  _ and _ my body now, though it appeared as though I was the only one who could see it.

Kondou stepped forward, bowing his head. “I would like to formally welcome you...as a student of Shiei Hall.” A sad smile was on his face as he looked at me, making me feel confused.

Someone dropped their chopsticks, breaking the silence. Turning around, I saw Okita was standing up, glaring in our direction.

“Souji…” Kondou murmured.

“Why!? Why does that girl get to join the dojo? It breaks every rule and restriction that you have in the dojo!” His eyes are furious slits, and it felt as if he turned his gaze onto me that his gaze may actually end up cutting me open.

Kondou stared silently at Okita. “I have my reasons,” he stated eventually.

Okita stormed out of the room, heading for the courtyard.

The whole hall was silent as I sheathed the sword and set it back on the pillow. The dancer holding the pillow handed it off to a younger girl, whom I believed was the new handmaiden Saicha. She took the pillow and exited the room, heading to my bedroom to deposit the sword.

As I turned around, all of the guys on the right side of the room were giving me cold looks, Hijikata especially. On the left side of the room, none of my brothers looked pleased either. My gaze slipped to the ground, my whole body feeling hot under their intense scrutiny.

Father placed a hand on my shoulder. “Everyone please step outside to enjoy the last of the festivities.” His hand stopped me from following. When everyone except for Ryouga and Mother had gone, Father turned to me, his face fard. “Kaien… You do know that this samurai path of yours will only be temporary, yes? One day, when you start on your path to becoming a woman, you will have to follow the true course of your destiny.”

“Yes. All women in this family have a very unique and special role that they must serve, and it is passed on from generation to generation.” Mother stared at me. “You will understand its importance when you come of age.”

“Yes. For now, you may live your dream until that day comes. You will attend at Shiei Hall as a student...a  _ male _ student...and you will room with your brother Ryouga. He will protect you and watch over you. But you mustn’t let the other students know that you are truly a girl. The only ones who will know are the students that were in this room, Kondou, Sanan-san, and your brothers,” Father explained.

I couldn’t help the bubble of disappointment that tightened itself in my chest. It was only temporary? That wasn’t fair… Biting my lip, I folded my hands together tightly, not willing to risk speaking out unless they decided to change their mind on allowing me to train. “Sanan-san? Is he the green-haired man with glasses?” I asked.

“Yes. And he’s one of the fiercest warriors of his age and rank that you will ever meet,” Ryouga said, staring straight ahead, refusing to look at me.

“I see,” I said, my body feeling hot again.

Father clapped me on the back, almost making me stumble forward. “Well. Enough with this gloom. Let’s go watch the fireworks.”

I nod, smiling meekly. “Yes, otou-san…”

Ryouga opened the door, allowing Father, Mother, and I out of the room. He soon followed afterwards. Outside, lanterns were lining the courtyard. Fireflies were already outside, flickering in the dusk. All of my brothers were on the grass, playing and sparring with one another. Okita and Kondou were nowhere to be seen. Hijikata, Sanan, and my parents were standing together near the steps, talking amongst themselves. Probably about some sort of adult stuff that I had no idea about. Sanosuke and Shinpachi were talking with each other, relaxing against the railing. And me? I’m alone.

I sighed, leaning against the rail and watching the sky and the fireflies dancing and flickering in the night.  _ I bet they all hate me now. I know that Ryouga-niisan was upset and Okita-kun too. Now I’m all alone on my birthday. Why did it have to end like this? _

I buried my face in my arms that were resting against the beam.  _ Perhaps this is just my fate. To be so different from everyone that I end up alone. It’s always like this… _ I thought as the first boom went off in the sky. Looking up, I noticed the multi-colored sparkles trailing through the sky, and despite how pretty they looked, it did nothing to improve the mood that I was in.

Dropping my arms, I trudged down the hall to go to the inner garden, passing by Sanosuke and Shinpachi as I went, keeping my gaze focused on the floor so that I wouldn’t have to see any potentially hateful glances sent my way again. Nonetheless, my cheeks still flamed red when it felt as though eyes were gazing upon me.

I entered the garden, taking off my sandals. Walking through the grass, I sat beneath the sakura tree next to the pond, watching the reflections of the koi fish in the moonlight. Sighing, I buried my head in my arms, the first two tears trailing down my cheeks.

A presence entered the garden, approaching me. I didn’t look up or turn around to see who it was; I simply sat as I was, letting more tears stream down my face in a deluge, uncaring if it ruined the make-up that had been placed around my eyes. The person sat down next to me, silent at first. I heard him sigh as he shifted uneasily beside me.

Suddenly, strong warm arms wrapped around me, making my head jolt up. Red hair glistened in the moonlight and I could feel warm breath billowing against my neck. He shifted until his golden amber eyes locked with mine.  _ Sanosuke… _

“Why are you crying?” he whispered, wiping away my tears.

I tried to look away from him, but he held my chin firmly, keeping me from moving it. I settled for closing my eyes instead.

“Oi, stop being stubborn… Kaien-chan.” Sanosuke sighed. “Listen, I know that you don’t know me very well, but I care...and I’m here for you if you need me. I want to help but I don’t know how I can if you don’t talk to me. Please…”

Sighing, I opened my eyes, staring into his. “Why am I so different from everyone else? Why do people always end up hating me? Do they hate me because I’m so different?”

Sanosuke dropped his hands, but I managed to keep maintaining eye contact despite the intensity of his gaze. “So what if you’re different? People shouldn’t hate you for that. People shouldn’t hate you at all. You’re beautiful, strong, courageous, amazing…” He trailed off, breaking eye contact, his cheeks pink. “And I don’t think I ever got the chance to thank you.”

“For what?” I spoke up.

“For keeping your brother from attacking me. I don’t think I would have been able to dodge it since my wound is still recovering.” He placed his hand on his stomach where a white bandage was partially visible.

I nodded my head. “I know. I saw the bandage.”

“But that’s another thing.” He took a hold of my left sleeve, a blood stain visible on the golden silk. “You were hurt.” He touched my left cheek, the one that had been cut. “But you have no wound. How?”

I averted my gaze. “It was just a scratch, really. So it’s already healed.”

Sanosuke shook his head. “It was more than just a scratch. I could tell by the look on your brother’s face.”

Rubbing the back of my neck, I mumbled, “I heal really fast. That’s all.”

He pulled me closer until our noses nearly touched, his eyes completely serious. “Don’t lie. You can choose not to tell me, just never lie to me.”

I nodded slowly until he finally released me. I looked down at the pond, noticing a sharp rock that caught my eye. Reaching over, I picked it up. “I’ll show you. Watch,” I murmured.

Sanosuke stared incredulously as I dragged the rock across the back of my right arm, creating a shallow cut against the skin. He yanked the rock out of my hand, throwing it into the pond. “ _ Baka _ ! Don’t cut your--”

Slamming my hand over Sanosuke’s mouth, I cut him off, shaking my head and glancing around to make sure that nobody heard the commotion and came to see what was happening. “Just watch,” I murmured, holding up my arm for him to see. Sanosuke began to pale as he watched my arm heal itself before him. I removed my hand from his lips, and he just continued to stare at my arm, speechless.

He cleared his throat. “I...see,” Sanosuke murmured eventually.

“This is why the neighbors hate me and won’t let me play around their children anymore. They called me a monster, and they’re scared of me because of this. ...And I bet you are too?” Tears brimmed in my eyes, beginning to bubble up again.

Sanosuke shook his head. “Why would I be scared of you?”

Standing up, I faced the sakura tree. Sanosuke stood next to me. “So you aren’t scared?” I asked hesitantly.

He shook his head again. “Of course not. You’re still you, and you’re just a little girl. Like I said, it doesn’t matter if you’re different...”

I turned to face him, gently placing a hand on his stomach. “May I...see your wound then?”

Sanosuke blinked, uncertain before eventually nodding. “Sure,” he said, slowly untying his shirt. Taking it off, he placed it on the ground next to the tree. The bandage that had wrapped around his stomach was soaked with blood. “Shit,” he muttered.

“Lay down,” I instructed, helping him down. I carefully unwrapped the bandage, exposing a savage wound across most of his stomach. “What happened?”

Sanosuke scratched his messy red hair, a blush on his face. “Someone had bet that I was too much of a coward to commit seppuku, so I...uh...proved them wrong?”

“And you called me the  _ baka _ ,” I joked, trying to hide the worry in my voice.

“Heh. Yeah.” He grinned at me, his teeth glowing like pearls in the moonlight.

_ He actually looks really handsome right now, like this. _ A blush crept onto my face.  _ What am I thinking? _

“You okay?” he asked, reaching out to gently touch my face.

I nodded. “I'm fine...but you aren’t. I need to fix your wound. You’ll still end up having a scar...but you’ll be healed.” I reached over picking up another rock, using it to cut open my right palm. I then placed my bleeding hand over the small open section of Sanosuke’s wound. The blood from my wound mixed itself into the blood of his.

Slowly, the wound began to close. All of the redness from infection drained away from around the wound. Eventually, all that was left was a dark red line across his stomach where the wound was, and eventually that too would end up fading into a white scar with time. But for now, my blood had done the limit of the healing that it could do.

I removed my hand from his stomach, allowing him to sit up and look at the scar.

Sanosuke blinked in surprise as he touched his new scar, flexing his abs to make it move. A large smile appeared on his face. “You’re amazing. How…?”

“I think it must be something about my blood.” I washed my hand off in the pond.

“I’d still like to thank you. That’s the second time you’ve saved me today.”

“It’s...nothing,” I said, looking down.

Sanosuke put his hand on my cheek, making me look at him. Slowly, he pulled me towards him. Bending down, he placed a small kiss to the top of my head. “I promise I’ll do my best to protect you,” he whispered as cherry blossoms began to fall in the wind.


	3. Ch. 2: Shieikan Tournament

_ So far, I’ve been a student at Shiei Hall for a year already. It was a rough adjustment, but Ryouga and Sanosuke have held true to their words. My seventh birthday is still ingrained in my memory. I’m glad that I met Sanosuke. It just makes me sad to think that I could be forced to leave here at any moment. _

“Oi, Kai-kun!” Sanosuke exclaims from outside my room, interrupting my writing.

“I’m coming!” I answered. Closing my journal, I hid it under my pillow before leaving my room. “Good morning, Sano-kun.” I smiled at the young red-headed teen.

He ruffled my golden hair, his expression thoughtful as he helped smooth down the sleep-tangled locks that I had been too lazy to brush out yet. “So are you ready for today?” he asked.

I blinked up at him. “What’s today?”

Sanosuke’s expression dropped as he sighed. “You forgot… It’s the tournament. You’re fighting Okita as your opponent.”

I visibly paled, the faintest taste of bile rising in the back of my throat to make me nauseous. “Oh, yeah. That’s why I was trying to forget.”

“Personally, the age gap isn’t fair, in my opinion.” He frowned. “And he’s still upset that Kondou allowed you to join the dojo, frankly.” Sano stared down at me, rubbing his neck.

I nod, remembering.

_ Kondou stepped forward, bowing his head. “I would like to formally welcome you...as a student of Shiei Hall.” A sad smile was on his face as he looked at me, making me feel confused. _

_ Someone dropped their chopsticks, breaking the silence. Turning around, I saw Okita was standing up, glaring in our direction. _

_ “Souji…” Kondou murmured. _

_ “Why!? Why does that girl get to join the dojo? It breaks every rule and restriction that you have in the dojo!” His eyes are furious slits, and it felt as if he turned his gaze onto me that his gaze may actually end up cutting me open. _

_ Kondou stared silently at Okita. “I have my reasons,” he stated eventually. _

_ Okita stormed out of the room, heading for the courtyard. _

“At any point, we should go get started.” My sword skills may have increased, but I doubted that I would be able to beat Okita, even with the practice swords.

Sanosuke and I entered the courtyard as Shinpachi beckoned us over. He ruffled both of our hairs. “Hey, Sano, Kai. You’re finally here. Who do you guys have to fight?” he asked, his blue-green eyes sparkling with mischief.

“ _ Baka _ , you know I’m fighting you,” Sanosuke joked, punching Shinpachi in the shoulder.

“And you?” he asked me after giving Sano a strong punch to the gut.

“Okita…” I mumbled, the name leaving a bitter taste on my tongue.

“Oh… Good luck with that.”

“Thanks, but I know I’m going to lose. I’ve only had one year of training, so I’m really not that good to go against someone like him…” I rubbed the back of my neck with a sigh.

“Nah. You’ll be fine, ‘cause you’ll have me and Sano cheering for you!” Shinpachi said, placing his hand on my head. It instantly made me feel grateful to have such good friends, even if Shinpachi had originally been opposed to the idea of me joining the dojo in the first place. He had quickly warmed up to me being there though, and it almost felt as if he often forgot that I was even a girl to begin with.

We walked together into the practice room. Everyone else was already present, lining the walls of the room with Kondou-sama and Sanan-san standing in the middle of the room. Kondou saw us enter the room, nodding at us with a smile.

“The next pair to fight will be Hijikata and Tosuke,” Sanan finished staying.

Hijikata walked up to Kondou, taking the practice sword that he was holding. My brother Tosuke went up to Sanan who handed him a practice sword as well. I could see him visibly shaking, fear in his green eyes as he bowed to Hijikata. Hijikata copied the movement.

Holding their swords at the ready, everybody in the dojo watched with suspense as neither contestant made a move. In the blink of an eye, Hijikata lunged forward, almost landing a blow on Tosuke’s side but Tosuke blocked at the last second. The next movements were a blur as the two attempted to land blows on each other but ended up being blocked each time. Eventually, Hijikata began to drive Tosuke back until he was able to land a blow across Tosuke’s sword hand, causing him to drop his sword and allowing Hijikata to deliver the finishing blow. Sweat dripped down Tosuke’s face as Hijikata’s practice sword pressed against his throat.

Obviously there had been no way that Tosuke would’ve won against Hijikata, since everyone could tell that Hijikata was holding back against my brother. It just showed how much of a power difference there was between them.

Hijikata backed away, handing the sword to Kondou. One of the students near the front of the room added another tally mark to Kondou’s side of the board; their team was beating ours seven to two.

Three more rounds passed, and the score was now nine to three.

“Man…” Sanosuke moaned, sitting next to me. “This sucks… We’re totally going to lose against Kondou’s team...again.”

“Maybe we’ll beat them next year?” I said, feigning hopefulness.

“We’d need a miracle for that to happen.” Sanosuke sighed, putting his arm around my shoulder.

Heat began to creep up to my face, but I tried to simply play it off as an effect of the weather. “Yeah, or we could just get lucky,” I mumbled, tugging at my shirt collar. “We should at least try to get even with them to narrow down the gap.”

Sanosuke looked down at me, a gentle smile on his face. “You know, you’re always this optimistic about everything. That’s one of the reasons why I like you.” He paused as my face turned crimson. “That and you’re fun to tease.”

I punched his side, which only caused Sanosuke to laugh good-naturedly.

“Hey, calm down, Kai-kun. You know I’m just playing around.”

One more of our team members wins his round, bringing the score up to five for our team.

“We just need four more,” I murmured before catching a glimpse of Okita glaring at me from across the room, instantly causing me to shrink back against Sanosuke’s arm. I sighed, already feeling defeated. “There’s no way that I can win, is there?”

An ominous sensation made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and a shiver ran down my spine. From the corner of my eye, I thought I caught a glimpse of the golden-haired boy that I thought I had seen at my fateful seventh birthday. Why was I seeing a vision of him again?

A headache began to spread from the back of my skull to behind my eyes. Grimacing, I squeezed my eyes shut, pressing my palms against my eyes until small lights flickered against the backs of my eyelids. I could just barely make out Sanosuke’s voice murmuring something before his warmth disappeared from my side. Eventually as the ominous sensation passed, so did my headache.

Opening my eyes, I noticed that Sanosuke and Shinpachi were sparring. The tallies on the board showed that the score was twelve to eleven, with Kondou’s team leading by one.

Sanosuke looked my way as he and Shinpachi were blocking each other’s strikes, their swords locked together. I stared back at him and mouthed, “You can do it, Sano-kun.”

A smirk crossed his face as he nodded and pushed Shinpachi away, launching a series of strikes that caused Shinpachi to leave a gap in his defenses. Taking this opportunity, Sanosuke knocked the sword from Shinpachi’s hand and pressed his own against Shinpachi’s gut. The match was over, the scores all tied up.

Shinpachi looked shocked as he stared at Sanosuke. It didn’t last long though, and he immediately proceeded to place Sanosuke in a headlock, ruffling up his hair. Laughing, they handed the swords back to their respective captains.

“Now,” Kondou said, “we will have the final match of the day. Okita and Kai. Please step forward.”

“Good luck,” Sanosuke whispered as we passed each other. “You’ll do great.”

I nodded, grinning as all of my fear dissipated. Walking forward, I stopped in front of Sanan, looking up into his greenish-amber eyes. A small smile was on his usually stern face when he watched me. He handed the practice sword to me, and I took it in my left hand. Turning, I saw Okita staring at me, hate and anger visible in his eyes.

I planted my feet, waiting for him to make the first move. I focused my gaze on his eyes, following his own shifting gaze. He locked onto my right side, which I had left slightly unguarded. He lunged forward, swinging the sword down toward my arm. I dodged at the last second, causing his sword to lodge in the floor. Yanking the sword out of the floor, Okita swung at my head. This time I brought the sword up, blocking the strike. Grasping the handle with both hands, I pushed Okita off and swung the sword towards his stomach, causing him to jump backwards.

Glaring, Okita rushed forward, attempting to send a strike towards my head. As I watched the sword come closer to my face, time seemed to slow down. I bent to the side as it passed by my ear, and I brought my sword up to meet Okita’s, deflecting the blow as time seemed to return to normal. He pushed me back with the blow, pain coursing through my right arm, and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out. But somehow, I managed to push the thoughts of pain away, concentrating as hard as I could on the battle at hand. I had no time for distractions.

I grimaced as my arm dropped to my side. I tried to lift my arm, but it simply just hung limply at my side. Sweat rolled down the side of my neck as Okita smirked at me. He stalked forward as I began walking backwards. The moment my back hit the wall, Okita swung his sword down. As the sword approached, time slowed down again. This time, I ducked down and to the side, dropping down onto my good arm and kicking my leg out, using the momentum to sweep Okita’s legs out from underneath him. Since he was already moving forward, Okita stumbled and hit his head against the wooden beam. I made it to my feet just as he turned around to glare at me, a trickle of blood running down his face.

Okita charged, launching a fury of slashes at me. Each time, I was able to dodge at the last second. On one attack that I was unable to dodge, I brought my sword up to block. However, my grip slipped on the handle due to the force of the blow and the sword was knocked away. Okita smirked as he raised his sword above his head. As he brought the sword down, I caught his hands with my own, stopping the strike from landing. Keeping his hands stationary, I twisted around until he was behind me and flung him over my shoulder so that he landed on his back on the floor. This gave me enough time to retrieve my sword from where it was laying on the floor. Using my left hand, I held the sword against my right hip, waiting for Okita to recover. He rose from the floor, walking forward with rage visible on his face.

Time slowed as he brought the sword down toward me once again. I drew my sword, mustering as much strength as I could behind the strike. A loud crack resonated as the swords collided. Okita’s sword was thrown across the room, broken in half. My sword rested against his throat.

The room went silent as everyone stared at Okita and I. Okita himself backed away, running out of the room, and I could’ve almost sworn that I had seen tears welling up in his eyes. Lowering my sword from the empty air it was now pointing to, I gave it back to Sanan before picking up the broken sword and giving it to Kondou.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered, bowing deeply after handing the sword to him.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kondou said, his voice containing a mixture of awe and the usual cheer that always seemed to find its place there as he placed his hand on my right shoulder.

And all at once, the searing pain came coursing back through my right arm, causing me to drop to my knees with a muffled yelp. My arm still couldn’t move.

“Kai!” Sanosuke yelled, rushing beside me. “What’s wrong?”

“My arm… I can’t move my arm...and it hurts really bad. Why can’t I move my arm?” The shocked words wheezed their way out of my throat, feeling constricted as I bit down on my lip to stop the tears that threatened to well up in my eyes.

“Sanosuke. Take her--er, him, to the medical room and wait there,” Kondou instructed, his own worry evident in his voice.

“Yes, sir.”

Sanosuke gently picked me up, keeping my left side against his chest, careful not to touch, move, or bump my right arm. It didn’t make much difference. Every step he took caused pain to course through my arm.

“Hey, it’s okay, Kaien,” he whispered to me, his voice acting like a soothing balm on my frayed nerves. “You did great. Our team won for the first time in forever, and it’s all thanks to you, Kaien.” Sanosuke smiled down at me, trying to make me feel better.

I managed to return a feeble smile, my forehead beading with sweat.

“Oi, wait up!” Shinpachi yelled from behind us. “Damn, Kai, you look like shit,” he grimaced. “Okita did this in the fight?”

I nodded. “I still won though,” I murmured as Sanosuke kept walking. And I might’ve imagined it, but it almost seemed like both of them had puffed their chests up with a bit of pride at my words.

He stopped outside a door. “Shinpachi. Get the door.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled, hurrying to the door and opening it, allowing Sanosuke and I through before closing it behind us.

A black-haired man was sitting on the floor behind a desk, writing, while a young brown-haired boy with green eyes roughly the same age as my older brother Ryouga was tending to another brown-haired boy. The two males looked up in surprise.

“Okita…” I mumbled out, my voice slurring.

He stared at me, his green eyes wide. A bandage was placed on his forehead. “Kaien-chan, you look horrible...like death… Wh-What happened?”

“She lost the ability to move her right arm because of one of the hits she took from you.” Sanosuke was glaring at Okita, and while Okita remained largely unfazed, he did end up shrinking back the smallest bit.

“Sanosuke-niisan, you can let me down now,” I mumbled, placing my good hand against his chest.

He blushed as he set me on my feet, my arm hanging limply at my side.

“Kaien… I’m…” Okita began, trailing off.

“So you’re Kaien Kururugi. Kondou’s niece,” the black-haired doctor said.

I nodded hesitantly, shrinking back slightly against Sanosuke as I stared at the strange man. An ominous aura felt as if it were radiating from his body, but he wasn’t the person that I had seen earlier with a similar aura. His nostrils flared like a beast smelling its prey. A chill ran down my spine as he smirked at me, almost as if he could smell my fear.

“So you’re the little girl that thinks that she can masquerade and play with the boys,” he sneered. “You should learn your place, little girl. Just look at yourself.” He gestured to my arm. “You’ve gotten hurt because of your silly little game. Why don’t you just quit now and run back home, being a good little girl? You don’t belong in this kind of world, the world of warriors.”

I flinched backwards against Sanosuke, his arms wrapping around me like a shield. Shinpachi stepped between us and the advancing man, a scowl on his face and his fist raised as if he were about to punch the man.

“That’s enough, Todori-sama,” the unknown green-eyed boy interjected, throwing an arm in front of the advancing man which only caused the doctor to glare at him. “Go see Sanan-san and check on the other students to make sure that they didn’t sustain any injuries as well. I will take care of the children,” he murmured, holding Todori’s gaze before the older man unwillingly relented and huffed his way out of the room.

“Honestly, I don’t know why you put up with that bastard’s shit, Iba,” Sanosuke muttered, shaking his head as his arms reluctantly unwound their way from around me as Iba stepped around Shinpachi to kneel down next to me.

“We all have to do things that we don’t want to, simply because our honor demands that we must,” Iba stated simply, albeit a bit cryptically, as he held his hand out to me with a gentle smile on his face. “Let’s get you taken care of, shall we? Okita, you’re free to go. I’m sure Kondou-sama would like to know that you’re doing better.”

Okita opened his mouth as if he was going to say something to me before he grimaced and shrugged it off, crossing his arms behind his head and leaving the room.

It made everyone else sigh as Iba gently pressed his hand against my arm, causing me to bite back a hiss of pain. His voice was surprisingly soothing as he inspected my injured shoulder, carefully prodding the swollen flesh around the joint. “He is unfortunately my mentor when I’m not studying Western medicine at one of the clinics in Edo, or when I’m at my father’s dojo… He is skilled in his trade with medicines; however, that skill is secondary to the extent of his arrogance and disrespect towards those he views as beneath him. Which is not someone who should be a doctor…”

There was a loud pop as Iba swiftly yanked my arm forward, and a dizzying jolt of pain suddenly coursed through my shoulder, making me lightheaded and stumble slightly as my knees nearly gave out beneath me. A pair of warm arms caught me before I could hit the ground though, and I relaxed gratefully into the redhead’s embrace as I was gently lowered onto the tatami mat.

"Kaien-chan, are you okay?" Sanosuke asked, worry evident in his eyes.

Glancing up at him and Shinpachi, I gave a small nod, tentatively lifting my arm and flexing my fingers. "Yeah. I'm okay. I just got really dizzy. It doesn't hurt anymore though. So I'm okay."

Both of them let out a relieved sigh in tandem, grins splitting their faces. "Well that's a relief. Otherwise I would've had to teach Souji a lesson," Shinpachi stated, puffing his chest out and pounding one of his fists against his open palm.

It only made me give a light punch to Shinpachi's knee in response before turning to the green-eyed boy Iba and bowing. "Thank you for fixing my arm…"

"Ah, no, it's fine," he responded, a bright smile playing on his lips. "I just do what I can to help when I'm here. It's really no reason to thank me…" A faint blush appeared on his cheeks, as though he were embarrassed by my gratitude. It wasn't long before his expression turned serious however. "If I may ask though… What's a girl doing dressing up as a boy and getting into sword fights for?"

A scowl spread on my lips, if only due to the emotional sting that still resonated from Todori-sama's harsh words earlier. "I'm training to become a samurai. It shouldn't matter that I'm actually a girl… Girls should be able to protect the people they care about too! ...Right?" I asked, my gaze being drawn up towards Sanosuke.

"Well…" he started, rubbing his chin in thought. "It's not wrong that girls should be able to protect themselves and the ones they love. But at the same time, it’s also always been a man’s duty to protect the woman that he loves. It only helps make us fight that much harder to keep her safe… Which is why no man should ever want to see a woman in pain.” Sanosuke’s arm tightened imperceptibly around me, as if it were me that he was talking about trying to protect.

Still, the idea that the only fate that was going to await me was one of quiet subservience as a meek girl who always had to rely on a man for protection didn't set well in my chest. But I decided not to push the issue for now, instead turning toward Iba. "You said that your father owns a dojo, correct? Then what are you doing over at this one?"

Iba blinked for a few moments before smiling. "I just like to come visit everyone and make sure that they're all doing okay. They're my friends, after all. And I look up to a lot of them… Even though many of them weren't born as samurai, they're still good role models for how true samurai should act. You're lucky that you get to stay here with them, Kaien-chan."

I smiled back, although it didn't quite reach my eyes.

_ “Kaien… You do know that this samurai path of yours will only be temporary, yes? One day, when you start on your path to becoming a woman, you will have to follow the true course of your destiny.” _

_ “Yes. All women in this family have a very unique and special role that they must serve, and it is passed on from generation to generation.” Mother stared at me. “You will understand its importance when you come of age.” _

_ “Yes. For now, you may live your dream until that day comes. You will attend Shiei Hall as a student...a  _ **_male_ ** _ student...and you will room with your brother Ryouga. He will protect you and watch over you. But you mustn’t let the other students know that you are truly a girl. The only ones who will know are the students that were in this room, Kondou, Sanan-san, and your brothers,” Father explained. _

_ I couldn’t help the bubble of disappointment that tightened itself in my chest. It was only temporary? That wasn’t fair… _

I knew I was lucky that I got to stay with them, but at the same time, I knew that it wasn't going to last forever. Whatever destiny that my parents had spoken of… I knew that it would eventually catch up to me sooner or later.

"I am lucky. I just wish that I could stay here with them forever. They’re like a family to me…" I murmured, looking down at my hands for a few moments before Iba spoke up again.

“What about your brothers though?” he asked.

My eyes widened in horrific realization, my chest feeling tight as I turned to Sanosuke and Shinpachi who both shared a worried expression. "They didn't see me get hurt, did they?"

_ Surely they hadn’t; otherwise they would’ve already been flocking around like worried chickens. _

Whatever brief comfort that thought had given me though was quickly destroyed by Ryouga’s voice quickly approaching from outside, followed by several pairs of footsteps.

“Kaien! Kaien, where are you?”

Grimacing, I bit my lip and desperately wished that I could simply disappear into the floor rather than face whatever lecture that my brothers were about to give me about not being fit to learn how to use a sword and whatever other excuses they could come up with to try to make me stop. I’d heard numerous versions over the past year already, after all.

To my surprise, however, Iba grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, leaning close to the two older boys and urgently whispering, “You two take care of them and stall them while I get her out of here. We’ll meet back up with you in a little bit.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Sanosuke and Shinpachi broke out into wide grins, their mischievous natures coming into play. "You've got it!" Shinpachi exclaimed, giving us a thumbs-up and moving to guard the door.

Sanosuke lingered for a moment longer, resting his hand on top of my head and ruffling my hair. "Don't worry. We'll take care of them and see you in a little bit. Iba-kun's a good kid, so go with him, alright?"

I nodded as Iba already started pulling me towards a second doorway, our footsteps light as we fled the building. Despite the fact that trying to hide from my brothers was probably going to only get me into more trouble with them, there was an undeniable thrill that ran through my body at the prospect of being able to sneak away from them with the help of the boys I considered my friends. If simply for the fact that I was being treated as their equal, someone they wanted to spend time with.

Ducking down behind a row of bushes, we quietly snuck our way along the outer wall of the courtyard, careful to keep an ear out for the sound of my brothers' advance. I could just barely make out a commotion of yelling in the distance, and it seemed as though it only spurred Iba to tighten his grip on my hand and hurry along faster.

Eventually, we had managed to sneak our way to one of the entrances to the grounds, tall grass rising up around us until we were all but sprinting down towards the nearby river, hushed peals of laughter echoing from our lips.

“Thank you, Iba-kun,” I said suddenly, turning to Iba and catching him off-guard as I bowed. “You didn’t have to go out of your way to try to help me. I know my brothers and how they overreact, but I would’ve been fine.”

A faint blush crept its way across Iba’s cheeks. “I know. And I have no doubt that you would’ve been able to handle yourself against them, even with being a girl. After all, you fought Souji and won, and not too many people can say that they’ve managed that.” He frowned, glancing back towards the dojo as he sat down on the riverbank, patting the spot next to him for me to join him. “And I think that’s what part of the problem is…” Iba murmured when I knelt down beside him. 

It made me frown, plucking one of the strands of grass and twirling it around my finger. "I don't see what the problem is though… If someone has a skill, then they should pursue it and get better at it… Even if they're not skilled at it, if it's their dream to do, then they should still do it," I grumbled, pouting slightly and making Iba laugh softly.

"Don't worry. I'm not laughing at you. I just agree with you, is all," he said, green eyes sparkling. "Which is why I admire the men at the Shieikan so much… Because so many of them weren't born into samurai families, and yet they're doing everything they can to pursue that dream of becoming recognized as true samurai…"

I wanted to argue that their dream didn’t sound too far off from my own dream of trying to become a samurai as well, but Iba was already speaking again.

“The problem isn’t really that you’re a girl wanting to be a samurai… After all, there used to be lots of female samurai that led battles and commanded armies,” Iba murmured, letting out a sigh as he turned a mournful smile towards me. “However, these days, society has changed. Social mobility is strictly prohibited, and women are treated more as fancy dolls for political favor than anything else. Which isn't right…”

My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. “Political favors…? But...my mother and father always ended up telling me that I would have a special destiny once I started becoming a woman…? And that it’s why I won’t be able to keep training as a samurai when I get older. If women used to be able to be samurai, then why aren't I allowed to become one now?"

Iba bit his lip, glancing out over the slow-moving river with a sigh. His words made my blood run cold, almost as if my heart decided to stop dead in my chest. "Because they're probably going to be marrying you off to some rich family. That's what usually happens with women these days."

"Marriage? But…" I stared down at my hands, my nails biting into the skin of my palms and leaving angry red crescents in their wake. How was that fair? I didn't want to be married off to some stranger! "There has to be some other way!" I wailed in despair, pounding my fist down against the dirt in a feeble attempt to stave off the angry tears that were bubbling up into my eyes.

Iba was quick to lean forward, resting his hand on top of my fist. “Don’t worry. I’ll help you. We’ll find a way around it. You’re a fierce warrior, and you deserve to follow that dream.”

I blinked over at him, a smile soon stretching across my lips. “Thank you… What about your dream? You said that your father owns a dojo, but you’re studying medicine at one of the clinics in Edo when you aren’t here.”

“My dream?” Iba blushed slightly, rubbing the back of his neck with a bit of a sheepish smile. “Well… There’s this girl that I care about, the daughter of the doctor that I study under, and my dream is to be able to be strong enough to protect her and to be worthy of her love whenever we get older.” He turned to stare out at the river, the sunlight sparkling against the waters. “...Is there anybody that you care about that you want to protect?”

Unbidden, a single face conjured itself up within my mind in a vision of red and amber, a dark flush staining my cheeks as I absentmindedly plucked several blades of grass and wound them tightly around my fingers. “...I want to protect everybody…” I muttered weakly, wishing that I could sink into the fabric of my kimono and disappear. “That’s why I want to become a samurai in the first place. So I can help protect everyone."

"...But there's someone in particular though, isn't there?" The tone of Iba's voice was a cross between understanding and teasing, which only made my cheeks flame brighter.

Before I could voice my retort though, someone else spoke up from behind us.

"Oi! I figured this would be where you ended up sneaking off to, Iba, Kai.”

We turned as the dark-haired figure approached, my stomach knotting up as I realized who it was.

Iba, on the other hand, didn’t seem to share any of my such reservations as he bolted to his feet with a big grin. “Toshi! I figured it would be you that would come find us,” he exclaimed with what was nearly an uncharacteristic excitement and vigor compared to his typically laidback demeanor, clinging to Hijikata’s waist in a hug.

“Yes, well, Ryouga seemed to be particularly distraught that his sister suddenly went missing, and Nagakura and Harada weren’t being the most helpful in trying to find her…” 

_ I hadn't wanted them to get in trouble because of me…  _

Swallowing thickly, I rose to my feet, brushing my hakama off and bowing deeply. "It's my fault, Hijikata-sama. I didn't want to listen to my brother scolding me about being more careful, even though getting hurt is inevitable, especially with as inexperienced as I still am… You can't fight with the mentality of expecting to  _ not  _ get hit sometimes, and--"

I broke off as restrained laughter echoed above me, making the tips of my ears burn in embarrassment. A hand under my chin lifted my face until I was staring up at Hijikata, his violet eyes glimmering in amusement. It caught me off-guard since it wasn't an expression I was used to seeing on him around me. And definitely not directed  _ toward _ me.

"You aren't in trouble, Kaien. Whatever you may think of me, I didn't come out here to scold you," he chuckled, making my embarrassment return tenfold as Hijikata made me stand up straight. "I know too well about the harsh realities of having overbearing older siblings… But you fought well today, you and Souji both. So you don't owe an explanation to anyone…"

"Y-Yes, sir," I murmured, nodding and glancing over at Iba who simply smiled back at me.

"If anything though…" Hijikata continued with a sigh and crossing his arms, making me instantly tense in preparation for some sort of harsh criticism or reprimand.

Which left me utterly unprepared for Hijikata's next words.

"I suppose I owe you an apology." A thin smile pulled at his lips.

"But why?" I blurted out, waving my hands in front of me frantically. "You didn't do anything, much less anything wrong. So there's no need for you to be apologizing…"

Hijikata gently patted my shoulder, shaking his head. "I don't think that anyone gave you enough credit… When you first joined, I didn't think that you'd actually stick it out. That you'd maintain your training as much as you have or that you could end up being just as good as the other students here." His smile was gentle as he continued, "And even if you would've lost the match today, you've still won the respect of many of the people here." He laughed softly, sitting down on the riverbank and gesturing for Iba and me to sit as well.

Honestly, I wasn't even sure what to say. This was a side of Hijikata that I hadn't ever seen before, and it certainly didn't fit with the ideas that Okita had always spouted about Hijikata being as cruel as a demon. Because this man in front of me now had far more heart and compassion than any sort of demon could be capable of.

"I shouldn't have doubted you so much just because you're a girl. Edo girls are a tough, resilient bunch. After watching your match, I could just imagine my older sister yelling at me for thinking otherwise… If we had been born into a samurai family, then I'm certain that she would've insisted on being trained too."

As I knelt down next to Hijikata, I gave him a small smile, relaxing just a bit at the friendly conversation. "I think I like your sister already."

It earned me a laugh from Hijikata. "Yes, I think the two of you would get along just fine," he murmured, glancing over at me and patting my head.

"Toshi?" Iba spoke up, worrying his lip between his teeth. "Do you think that there'd be a way for Kaien to be able to keep training here? I mean, when she's older. Instead of her parents marrying her off somewhere?"

I perked up at the question, my heart racing with the hope that Hijikata had an answer to our concerns.

"Eh?" Hijikata blinked in surprise before glancing between the two of us with a sigh and rubbing the back of his neck "Well… Unfortunately, that's not really mine or Kondou's decision to make. It would be her parents who would end up having the final say in it…"

Iba and I both deflated at the answer, both of us staring at the ground.  _ So there's really no hope for my future…? _

"Oi, oi. Don't be looking so depressed. That wouldn't be for quite a few years yet, so…" A hand brushed a few stray locks of hair out of my face, causing me to look up at Hijikata. "Don't lose hope. There's still time enough yet to change your parents' minds."

There was a brief pause before Hijikata continued, shifting the subject as his expression became thoughtful. "You know, watching you spar today, I noticed that you were favoring your left hand instead of the right-handed stance that we train with…"

"Ah! I'm sorry!" I blurted out frantically, bowing my head and twiddling my fingers together nervously. "I didn't--... It's always been harder to use my right hand even though I keep getting taught that's what I'm supposed to use for everything…"

I trailed off, hesitantly glancing up at Hijikata who only rubbed his chin in thought. "And? How did using your left hand feel? Stronger?"

Blinking at the question, my gaze flitted down to my left hand, flexing my fingers. "...Yes. Stronger, and I felt in more control of my movements. Isn't it bad to use your left hand though? That's what Mother and Father always told me. They always say  _ since left isn't right, that makes it wrong... _ "

At that Hijikata sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's not bad. Or wrong. It's just different. But most people see those two things as the same…" He trailed off in thought before eventually nodding as if coming to some sort of conclusion. "But who cares if how you fight ends up being different? Why should you have to sacrifice strength for a  _ proper _ technique? If almost all swordsmen are right-handed and will all be using the same standard techniques, then it will be the few that are left-handed that will have the advantage in a fight." He hid his widening smile as he attempted to keep a stern tone to his voice as he continued, "There's nothing wrong with using whatever skills you have to your advantage. That means you're going to have to train more though."

"I'll do it!" I leaned forward intently, my eyes glimmering with excitement. "I'll do whatever it takes. Double training-- No,  _ triple _ training sessions a day, if need be. I… I want to learn. So please. Please teach me."

"Don't worry!" Iba piped up, patting Hijikata's shoulder with a grin. "Toshi's the best! And pretty soon you'll be strong enough to prove to your parents that you should keep training!"

My own grin spread across my face. "Yes!"

Our thoughts were disrupted by the sound of yelling voices coming closer, though one voice in particular stood out against the rest.

“Toshi!”

We all turned to see an out-of-breath Kondou approaching, worry plastered across his features as he stopped several feet away, doubled-over with his hands braced against his knees. However, the moment his gaze caught sight of all three of us sitting by the river, a relieved smile spread on his face.

“Ah, Toshi! You found them! I’m so glad…” Kondou dropped to his knees next to us, his arms instantly wrapping around me and pulling me against his chest.

“U-Uncle?”

“Everybody was starting to get so worried about you because you just suddenly disappeared for so long… So I had Toshi come and look for you, but after he was gone for so long…” Kondou pulled back, rubbing the back of his neck as his face flushed for a moment until he looked down at me and gently stroked my face. “I’m just glad that you’re okay.”

“Oiiiii! Kondou-san! Did ya find them?” someone else called from the distance as we all stood up.

When I looked past my uncle, my eyes widened in surprise at the group of people that were approaching us with hurried footsteps. Sanosuke and Shinpachi were the first ones that I noticed, with Shinpachi sporting a brand-new black eye. But then beyond them, I saw Inoue-san and Sanan-san both sharing looks of relief, while Ryouga and even Okita lingered behind them. As they all approached, it seemed as though a collective sigh of relief was released, some of the tension between them easing.

_ Everybody… Everybody was worried about me…? I didn’t think that all of them would care so much... _

Rubbing at my eyes, I swallowed around the small lump that had formed in my throat before quickly bowing. “Thank you for looking for us. I’m sorry for causing everyone to worry. But I want you all to know that I’m going to keep working even harder on training from now on!” I bobbed my head in a short nod, smiling up at all of them.

_ My friends… My  _ **_family_ ** _ … These people that are all so special to me… _

Shinpachi was the first to let out a laugh, patting my back. “Glad to hear it! Because look at the black eye that your brother gave me. Doesn’t it make me look more manly?”

I laughed, shaking my head as Sanosuke placed one of his hands on top of my head. “Not at all!”

“Eh!?” Shinpachi instantly deflated, causing everyone to break out into rounds of laughter while we all eventually began to make our way back towards the dojo.

As we were about to enter the grounds and head toward the dining hall, Sanosuke’s hand on my shoulder stopped me, a flicker of concern on his face. “Are you alright? You looked like you were about to start crying earlier…”

Blinking in surprise, I nodded, my hand resting on top of Sano’s. “Yes, I’m fine. I promise. I just wasn’t expecting everyone to have been so worried and looking for me.” I paused before adding, “Are  _ you _ alright? You didn’t get into trouble, did you?”

At that, Sano shook his head, his smile coming back. “No. No trouble. I’m just glad that you’re doing better,” he murmured, pulling me into a hug that suggested that he had been far more worried about me and my injury than he had been letting on.

I didn’t push the subject though. I didn’t want to ruin the happy mood that everyone was in.

“Let’s go get something to eat,” Sanosuke mumbled, eventually pulling back. “Then maybe later tonight we can watch the fireflies come out.”

Nodding, I slipped my hand into Sanosuke’s, his fingers gently twining around mine not for the first time, simply enjoying the warmth that radiated from him. And also not for the first time, I wished that it could just stay like that forever. “Yes, I would love to. And then you can tell me all about how you and Shinpachi managed to escape the wrath of my brother!”

It was Sanosuke’s turn to laugh, his smile making my heart leap in my chest. It only made me think back to Iba’s earlier words...about having someone that I care about wanting to protect, and it made me think that perhaps Iba wasn’t quite wrong after all. “Alright. It’s a deal.”


	4. Ch. 3: Promises Kept, Promises Made

The sound of chirping crickets permeated the warm night air. Summer was beginning to near its end, but it wasn't so close to autumn yet that the heat of the day didn't still linger on into the night.

Biting my lip, I glanced over my shoulder as I tiptoed my way to the window. The last thing that I needed at the moment was to end up waking my brother from his sleep, given how well it turned out the  _ last  _ time that he ended up catching me sneaking out of our bedroom.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t turn out well at all.

That had been a while ago now though, and I’d like to think that the past two years of training had improved my reflexes enough that I was more adept at sneaking around unseen and unheard. That didn't make me foolish enough to believe that it wasn't possible for me to end up being caught in the act if I didn't remain vigilant and careful though.

Gently pushing open the window, I hefted myself up onto the sill and hopped down into the grass, landing lightly on the balls of my feet before easing the window closed once again.

A thrill of excitement slid down my spine, making my toes curl into the grass. Ever since Hijikata had discovered that I was left-handed, he had allowed for these nearly nightly training excursions to strengthen my swordsmanship with my left hand. And that was already on top of the suggestion by both Hijikata and Sanan-san that I learn how to use a spear.

Though of course, the biggest surprise had been Sanosuke’s insistence on also learning how to wield a spear. For us to be able to learn how to use the weapon side-by-side. It was...heartwarming, and it never failed to make my chest flutter at the memory of Sano’s mention of being up to the challenge. His sly grin at the rivalry between him and the others before boasting that he would become the best spearman at the dojo and wouldn’t stop until he could defeat everyone else’s sword techniques.

It was in the quieter moments that we shared later on, with just the two of us, that he eventually admitted to me that he didn’t care about defeating everyone else. He just wanted to learn how to be strong enough to protect  _ me, _ and to help make sure that I knew how to protect myself if he ever wasn’t around. That it was what gave him the motivation to keep training so hard.

And it only gave me the motivation to keep trying harder in my training too. Knowing that I had someone who would stand by my side...

My extra practices normally ended up rotating between being taught by Hijikata and Sanan-san, or Shinpachi and Sano. But recently, for the past two months, Shinpachi had returned home to visit his mother after finding out that she had given birth, making him a big brother again. So that left just Sano and I to train together on those nights, and it ended up being those training sessions that I looked forward to the most.

And tonight was one of those such nights.

Padding softly across the grounds, I ducked and dodged between bushes and trees, practicing my stealth as I kept an eye and ear out for anybody that might be wandering about. Plus Sano and I had started to make it a bit of a game to see who could end up sneaking up on the other the most times. As it stood, I was in the lead, but just barely.

Staying crouched behind one of the trees near the courtyard, my gaze swept the area, watching for any type of movement that might’ve hinted that Sanosuke would be approaching where I was hiding. It wasn’t until nearly twenty minutes later, my smile having faded as my concern grew, the muscles in my legs cramping up from remaining crouched motionless for so long, that I finally stood up.

There was an uneasy nagging feeling in my chest that there was something wrong.  _ It’s not like Sano to end up being late to our practice. Not even when we’re trying to sneak up on each other… And it’s not like I was that early either. _

Chewing on my lower lip, I eventually slinked out from behind the tree, cupping my hands around my mouth. “Sano!” I whisper-yelled. “Sano, where are you? Sano?”

The sound of a twig snapping underfoot caused me to jump, my heart leaping in my throat and pounding away at my ribcage. My hands shaking at the sudden shot of adrenaline through my veins, I turned toward the source of the sound, noticing the figure that was approaching. A sigh of relief fell from my lips. “Sano! I’m glad that you’re okay. I was starting to get worried about you--”

My words froze on my tongue when the figure let out a very un-Sano-like laugh, causing my eyes to widen as I took a few hurried steps away from the man. "You should be more worried about yourself," he hissed out with each step that he took forward, making me flinch backwards and bite my lip. "You've been nothing but a thorn in my side since you've been here. I've been watching you, you know...ever since that day you were hurt."

_ Todori-sama… Why did it have to be  _ **_him_ ** _? _

Swallowing thickly, my hand instantly went to rest at my hip where my sword would've been...if it weren't for the fact that I had snuck out of my room and was supposed to have been training with Sanosuke right now. "What do you want?" I mumbled, backing up slowly; but it seemed like for every step I took backwards, Todori-sama took two forwards until I could make out his face through the shadows.

A sneer spread across his face. "You're not... _ normal _ . You shouldn't be able to heal so quickly from the injuries you’ve received. And  _ you  _ shouldn’t be receiving so much special treatment from the others.  _ My  _ nephew is a far superior swordsman than you are, and yet you’re the one that keeps getting private lessons when his talents should be getting recognized more than yours!” His face twisted with rage, making my heart hammer painfully against my chest when my back bumped up against a tree, cutting off one of my possible escape routes.

_ I’m in trouble… I don’t have a weapon so I can’t defend myself, and I need to get help somehow. I can’t fight off someone like Todori-sama alone… _

That particular fear filled me, pushing my body into action as I dashed forward, running past Todori and trying to make it towards the main building. However, a sharp pain soon sliced through my right leg that caused me to crumple to the ground with a cry. Twisting around, I saw the small thin blade that was jutting completely through my leg. A scalpel or some sort of medical blade.

“Sano--! Mmph!” Before I had a chance to finish screaming out, Todori lunged forward, slamming his hand down over my mouth. The metallic tang of blood coated my tongue from biting down on it. It made me want to gag as his free hand pulled the blade out of the back of my calf...only to drive the blade down through my thigh a second later.

The unexpected pain made me bite down on the hand that covered my mouth, offering only a brief reprieve of fresh air before the back of his hand struck against the side of my head. A wave of nausea threatened to overtake me as the world above seemed to spin, only to be cut off by the hand that was suddenly around my throat.

“Now listen here, you little bitch. There’s no one that’s going to come save you,” Todori hissed out, his breath hot on my face forcing tears to gather in the corners of my eyes as I tried to claw against the man’s hand in a futile effort to escape. It only made him grip my throat tighter until my vision started turning black at the edges. “You’re some sort of  _ monster _ . A  _ freak _ . And I’m going to enjoy having my way with you and picking you apart piece by piece until I figure out what makes you tick, and then I’m going to leave all of those teeny-tiny pieces on Kondou’s doorstep for him to find…”

Blood gurgled at the back of my throat, spilling over my lips as I struggled against the grip around my throat, my nails clawing into Todori’s arm and trying to kick out with my good leg. Todori was still speaking, but I could no longer hear the words, just the blurred tone of his voice as panic firmly settled in, constricting my chest more than the lack of oxygen ever could.

_ I’m going to die. I don’t want to die! Not here! Not like this! _

All at once, bright light flooded my vision for several moments, the man’s grip slipping from my throat and giving me the slightest reprieve that I needed as my hand slid down and yanked the blade out of my leg. I slashed forward blindly until I felt the metal sink into flesh, a muted shriek of pain meeting my ears as Todori’s hands disappeared from my body completely.

Rolling over onto my stomach, I coughed mouthfuls of blood onto the ground, my lungs burning and my vision watery. It didn’t stop me from hearing Todori’s outraged shouts or the distinct sound of a blade being drawn from its scabbard, the man lifting the sword above his head to prepare for the strike that would finish me off.

I just barely heard someone shouting my name before I was greeted by the sound of something being thrown above my head. The thud of metal burying into flesh. Hot blood splattering across my face. The thump of a body crumpling to the ground. It took several moments for me to process that I was staring at Todori’s dead body next to me, a spear pierced through his chest and a smaller blade jabbed into his throat.

“Kaien! Kaien!”

It took several more moments to realize that somebody had been calling my name, a familiar person crouching in front of me, his hands hovering near me as though he were afraid to touch me.

_ Sa...no…? _ The name tumbled mutely from my mouth, a bubble of blood bursting from my lips, trickling down my chin. I fell into his arms instantly, tears flowing freely down my cheeks and staining his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry…” Sanosuke murmured, cradling my body against him and running his fingers through my hair in an attempt to soothe me, uncaring of the blood and tears that got on him. His gentleness only made me cry that much harder, devolving into hiccuping sobs.

It wasn’t much longer before a small crowd had begun forming after hearing the commotion. The first voice that I recognized was Hijikata’s, followed by Sanan and Kondou. Even Okita was there. I didn’t want to focus on anything other than Sanosuke though, not when the smell of death still permeated the air and made me want to vomit. Their words still reached my ears anyways.

“Harada! Kaien! What the hell happened?”

“Is that Todori-san?”

“Souji, stay back.”

“Why is Kaien covered in blood?”

“Todori’s dead. What are we going to do with the body, Kondou-san?”

“...I don’t know yet… Sanan, can you take Kaien and check for any injuries?”

I felt Sanosuke tense slightly, his arms tightening around me as if to protect me. “I don’t think that’ll be a good idea…” he mumbled, his voice a low rumble in his chest that could’ve lulled me to sleep…

“It’ll be fine, Harada. She's safe here...”

...If it hadn’t been for the hands that grabbed onto my arm and started to pull me away.

My eyes snapped open, my mouth opening in a silent scream, sound unable to pass through my lips as I twisted and struggled against the hands. Just as quickly as the hands had held onto me, they were gone, but it didn’t do anything to quell the terror that gripped me, my throat seizing up.

“Shhh, shhh! Kai, it’s okay. It’s alright. You’re safe now. Todori won’t hurt you ever again…” Sanosuke crooned, running his fingers through my hair and pressing my ear to his chest.

The steady--if just a bit too quick to be calm--rhythm caused my tension to gradually flee as my breathing eventually synced to his heartbeat, my body turning limp as if I were a puppet that suddenly had its strings cut. My head rolled back against Sanosuke’s arm, finally able to see everyone that had gathered around and their varying expressions of shock, horror, and anger. Even Okita seemed to be mildly disturbed, his gaze flickering down to my neck with a wince.

Sanan’s expression turned apologetic as he held his hand close to me, only to pull away when I winced at the proximity. “She’s been traumatized worse than I anticipated. It looks like she's still in shock… It’s lucky that she’ll go to at least one person though; otherwise trying to treat her injuries may end up causing her more harm than good. ...Harada, what happened? The two of you were supposed to be training tonight.”

“Todori ended up ambushing me and knocking me out when I was coming to get Kaien. I only just managed to regain consciousness in time to stop Todori from his attempt to kill her...” Sanosuke shifted me in his arms as if I were a fragile flower. And at that moment, it almost felt like I was. Or at least, my mortality had been made painfully clear to me that night. “It’s my fault for not being able to protect her sooner. And I’m the one that killed Todori, although I’m sure he would’ve died sooner than later from the knife that Kaien jabbed in his throat. But I’ll take responsibility for both actions…and commit seppuku if that’s what it calls for.”

_ Seppuku…? _

The word was like ice water in my veins, fresh tears making their way down my cheeks as I clutched onto Sano’s obi. I wanted to yell and scream, to beg for him not to do it, but whatever words I tried to utter were lost in my throat, becoming nothing more than a garbled wheezing jumble that eventually devolved into a coughing fit that left me gasping for breath and feeling decidedly far weaker than I should’ve as Sanosuke gently patted my back.

It was Hijikata who spoke up first, his face set in a grimace. “We’ll discuss what’ll happen later...after we figure out what to do with the body…” He stepped forward, placing a hand on Sano’s shoulder. “Right now, you’re the only one she’s willing to go to, so I want you to take care of her.” Hijikata glanced over at my uncle. “Kondou-san, with your permission, I think it would be best if Kaien’s room was moved closer to ours for her safety.”

“Yes… I think that would be best,” Kondou murmured, his eyes glistening as he glanced down at me, looking as though he longed to reach out and pull me into a hug. “I couldn’t keep my own flesh and blood safe within these walls… I’m sorry that I’ve failed you, Kaien…”

"You couldn't have expected this to happen, Kondou-san…" Okita spoke up, one hand tightening on Kondou's yukata.

“Since Shinpachi’s gone, then you can keep her in your room tonight, Harada,” Hijikata murmured, his gaze softening when he glanced at me. “I don’t think she’s going to be willing to leave your side or let anyone else care for her for the time being. I’ll have someone bring fresh clothes and some medicine to your room in just a moment. Someone’s going to have to let Ryouga know too…”

“I’ll let him know.” Kondou nodded, placing one hand on top of Okita’s head with a sigh.

My hands tightened on Sano’s clothing as an arm slid beneath my legs, hoisting me up off the ground. “Let’s go get you cleaned up then,” the redhead mumbled, carrying me off towards the building. It was only moments later that he was sliding the door open to his room and placing me down on the tatami floor. "You can let go now, Kaien…" he murmured, his fingers gently prying mine open. "I'm just going to step out for two minutes to get a bucket of water and a rag, but then I'll be right back, alright?" Sanosuke held out his pinky finger with a reassuring smile. "I promise."

_ “I’d still like to thank you. That’s the second time you’ve saved me today.” _

_ “It’s...nothing,” I said, looking down. _

_ Sanosuke put his hand on my cheek, making me look at him. Slowly, he pulled me towards him. Bending down, he placed a small kiss to the top of my head. “I promise I’ll do my best to protect you,” he whispered as cherry blossoms began to fall in the wind. _

Biting my lip, I slowly nodded, locking my pinky with his before he pulled away. "There. That's a good girl. You'll be safe from any monsters here." Hesitating for a moment as he was about to leave, Sano paused to light one of the candles in the room before closing the door behind him as he left.

Those two minutes that he was gone felt the most nerve-wracking in my life. Each brush of wind against the walls, each creak of the windows and ceiling overhead, the rustling of leaves outside… All of it only heightened my sense of paranoia that something was going to happen, making my heart skitter around in my chest like a scared spider across the floor. If I hadn't been so sore and tired, I would've curled up into a ball. As it was, I still ended up on the verge of tears again by the time that Sanosuke had returned with the water.

"Shhh, shhh. Everything's okay. See? I'm back and nothing happened," he murmured, sitting down with the water bucket in between us and holding out a hand towards me, which I instantly latched onto. It only made Sanosuke chuckle for a moment before dipping the rag in the water with his free hand and gently beginning to clean the blood from my arms.

The movement was soothing, but there were still moments when the touch would make me flinch as the rag pressed against my bruised skin. Those moments were instantly followed by Sano whispering out apologies as he tilted my head up, cleaning the blood from my cheeks and where it had dripped down my chin. His expression turned into a grimace as he took stock of the injuries on my neck, the heavy necklace of bruising that was there.

“I’m going to have to touch your neck, okay? So I can get the blood off. I’ll do my best for it not to hurt, but it still might a bit, okay? Just take deep breaths and remember that it’s just me. You’re safe with me,” Sanosuke murmured, staring down into my eyes until I slowly nodded, despite the cold shiver that ran down my spine.

The moment the rag touched my throat though, I flinched, a sharp hiss slipping out between clenched teeth.

“Sorry. Sorry… Just look at me. It'll be over soon…" he continued to mumble, his thumb rubbing small circles against my cheek. "Just keep breathing. In and out. Just like that. Just pretend that you're trying to meditate…"

I just grumbled, wrinkling my nose up at him. It made him laugh softly.

"I know. I'm not good at meditating either. Too much energy to burn to bother sitting still for so long. But every once in a while… It's pretty helpful for discipline and finding mental clarity. But then again, so does beating up Shinpachi," Sanosuke murmured, returning the rag back to the bucket once my neck was clean. "Alright. Is there any other place that hurts?”

_ Yes, everything hurts, and my body feels like one big bruise… _

Not that I was able to tell him that. Instead, I simply held out my leg that had been stabbed by Todori’s blade.

Sanosuke sucked in a breath as he noticed the open wounds, which were still slowly oozing a bit of blood but were actively closing themselves up before our eyes. After a moment, Sano mumbled out, "I don't think I'll ever quite get used to seeing you heal like that…"

It made my heart drop in my chest as Todori’s words echoed through my head.  _ Monster… Freak… _ Biting my lip, I glanced away as Sanosuke began to clean the blood from the leg, eventually tearing a clean cloth in half to wrap around the two wounds.

"That should be good for now… At least so that there won't be blood dripping everywhere," Sano murmured, mostly to himself before he looked over at me. He hesitated for a moment, leaning forward and speaking in a low voice, "Don't let anyone else know about your leg, okay? I don't know how they would react to knowing about how fast that you can heal. Especially after what just happened with Todori…"

Letting out a sigh, he rubbed his face tiredly, shrugging the top half of his yukata off his shoulders as he cleaned the blood off of himself. His next words surprised me. “You know… I can’t help feeling like this is all my fault.”

_ He...blames himself? But he isn’t the one that was trying to hurt me! _

“I should’ve expected Todori to end up trying to do something. He always seemed a bit too… I guess  _ unstable  _ is the word I’m looking for. And ever since Iba had scolded him back whenever you had gotten hurt in your sparring match with Souji…” Sanosuke sighed, rubbing at his eyes, his shoulders tense. “I should’ve kept more of an eye on him, or at least informed some of the others that I thought Todori was going to be problematic…”

Propping his arms against his knees, another sigh fell from his lips as he smiled weakly over at me. “Looking back on it, I can see so many opportunities where I could’ve spoken up about Todori, and it makes me wonder if it would’ve changed anything. Wonder if tonight would’ve never happened… Then at least you wouldn’t have gotten hurt…”

Sanosuke’s hands tightened into fists as he grimaced, looking ready to punch a hole into the floor or wall, even though he managed to restrain himself. If only barely. “If I had ended up being only a moment slower tonight… If my spear had ended up missing his heart… Then we wouldn’t be here having this conversation right now, and I would’ve followed you to the afterlife not long after. What good is a man that can’t keep his promises?”

_ There's still the chance that you'll end up having to commit seppuku though… So how is this situation any better? _

A knock on the door interrupted our brooding. “Harada-san, may I come in?”

Sanosuke quickly gestured for me to hide my injured leg as I silently obeyed and tucked it beneath me. “Ah, Inoue-san! Yes, you can enter.”

The man slid open the door, kneeling down just inside the entrance to the room. “I’m truly glad that both of you are safe after the events of tonight,” Inoue stated with a tired smile. It made me wonder slightly what he and the other adults had been discussing. He placed a tray on the floor before holding out a clean yukata, which Sanosuke took. “I also brought some tea for the both of you and some onigiri. The tea will hopefully make it easier for Kaien to sleep and soothe her throat, and she’s going to need food to be able to heal properly.”

It felt a bit like his words were more for my benefit than any actual need to instruct Sanosuke on what needed to be done. But at the same time, Inoue was one of the older members of the dojo, and I was almost certain that he had children of his own, given how adept he was at helping to care for the younger members.

“Ah, thank you very much, Inoue-san,” Sanosuke replied, gently taking the tray and placing it closer to me. “I’ll be sure to have her drink and eat everything.”

Inoue nodded, clapping his hands together. “If you need anything, just let me know. For now, both of you should simply do your best to rest. She looks like she’s about to fall asleep any minute if she weren’t sitting up.” With that said, he stood up and left, sliding the door close behind him.

Sanosuke stood, handing me the yukata that Inoue had brought. “Here… Do you need help standing up to change?”

Biting my lip, my fingers tightened slightly on the soft blue fabric before I lifted my arms up toward him. It made his expression soften as he lifted me up and helped to steady me on my feet.

“Just hold onto my arm whenever you need to steady yourself, okay?” he murmured, turning away and closing his eyes for me to have the semblance of privacy as I changed into the clean clothing.

It was a relief to be able to feel the fresh cloth against my skin as I secured it in place, not having to smell the stench of that man’s blood clinging to the air around me. It didn’t do anything to relieve the aches and pains that throbbed along my body. Even if the wounds had mostly healed, I knew it would be several days still before everything would go back to feeling normal.

_ Normal… Ha… When have I ever been normal…? _

Reaching out, I tapped on Sanosuke’s arm before plopping down on the floor, my eyelids drooping as a cup was held out to me. The liquid burned my throat as I sipped on it, but it was a welcome change to the dull throbbing aches and pains that otherwise plagued my neck.

"Finish the tea off, and then I want you to lay down and try to sleep," Sanosuke murmured as he rearranged the pillows and blankets on the floor. "You can just eat the onigiri whenever you feel like you're able to. I don't want you to force yourself though."

I slowly nodded, finishing off the tea and setting the cup back onto the tray before pushing my bloodied clothes further off to the side and flopping back onto the floor with a sigh. My eyes slid closed, and for a moment, I vaguely wondered if I’d even be able to fall asleep when the events of the night kept flashing through my mind. It was nauseating, the way that I could still feel Todori’s breath against my face and his hands around my throat.

Shivers coursed through my body, making me curl into a ball.

I heard Sano sigh, and suddenly warm arms slipped beneath me, picking me up. My eyes snapped open as I grabbed onto Sanosuke’s shoulders, heart leaping into my throat.

“Shhh, shhh. It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’m just moving you to the blankets so you’ll be more comfortable,” Sano explained gently as he eventually set me down on one of the pillows and draped a blanket over the top of me before plopping himself down on the pillow next to mine after blowing out the lantern. “I know it’s probably going to be difficult, but at least try to get some sleep. I’ll be right next to you if you need anything, okay?”

He ran his fingers through my hair. The soothing motion, accompanied by the warm weight of the blanket, worked miracles against the restless anxiety that had nestled its way into my chest. Eventually though, Sanosuke sighed, his expression somber. “I’m sorry…”

“Hmm?” I struggled to open my eyes, my brows furrowing in confusion.

“I wasn’t able to protect you like I should’ve been able to…” the redhead muttered, rubbing his face with his free hand and letting out a wry chuckle. “It makes me feel like I’m not really worthy of being called a man, if I’m not strong enough to protect someone I care about…”

I caught his hand between mine as he was about to roll away, stopping him as he raised an eyebrow at me in confusion. I merely shook my head. “I’m alive,” I rasped out, squeezing his hand tightly, tracing the callouses with my thumb. “I’m alive because of you.”

At my words, Sanosuke’s expression softened and he pressed his lips to my forehead in a delicate kiss. "...You're right," he whispered, squeezing my hands, "and I'm glad that you are."

A smile tugged at my lips, catching on my yawn until sleep eventually claimed my consciousness.

It wasn't until hours later, at the sound of murmuring voices and the steady thumping of a heartbeat against my cheek, that I began to stir from my slumber. "Mmmnnnrgh…"

A hand rubbed my back, Sano's voice a soft, cooing sound. It only made me tighten my arms around him and try to bury my face against his chest to block out what sunlight managed to filter its way into the room. Regardless of my attempt though, Sanosuke managed to coax me into a sitting position, patting my head as I rubbed at the salty crust that coated my eyelids and almost seemed to glue them together.

I merely let out a noncommittal grunt as I blinked blearily up at him, already missing the sound of his heartbeat. A frown soon pulled at my lips though when I noticed the dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn’t ended up sleeping at all last night. And it took several moments for me to realize that he probably  _ hadn’t _ slept. That the salt crusting my eyes and cheeks were from tears that I must’ve shed throughout the night in my sleep. That I had woken up cradled in Sanosuke’s arms and my head against his chest when I knew I hadn’t fallen asleep that way.

“How are you feeling, Kaien?” the voice near the doorway spoke up, drawing my attention to Sanan.

_ He and Sanosuke must’ve been talking before I woke up… _

“Tired,” I croaked, my eyelids already beginning to droop closed again.

“I can see that,” Sanan chuckled, even though it felt as though it were a bit strained, his expression filled with concern as he looked me over. “Are your injuries doing okay?” he asked after a moment, his hand twitching on his lap as if he wanted to be able to reach out and comfort me, but he restrained himself, appearing apologetic.

The events of last night flashed through my mind, making me flinch and my hand flew up to my throat. The bruises still ringed my neck, leaving it tender and sore to the touch, but for a brief moment, it almost felt as if my throat had constricted and left me unable to breathe. It was only a fleeting moment though, and I eventually managed to nod in response to Sanan’s question. “They’re...getting better, I think…"

Sanosuke patted the top of my head as he stood up, a small smile on his face despite the fatigue in his frame. “Sanan brought some tea for you. Drink that and eat the onigiri if you get hungry, then try to get some more rest. I just need to talk with Sanan about something but I’ll be back.” He rubbed his thumb against my cheek in a comforting gesture until I eventually nodded and curled back up under the blanket, exhaustion taking over my body once again.

I drifted in and out of a fitful sleep as the hours passed with no sign of Sanosuke's return. Even after Ryouga had visited me to try to convince me to go back to our shared room, I refused, determined to stay until Sanosuke came back. After all, he had said that he would be coming back, and I believed him. There was still that inkling of fear though. A fear that would keep me awake throughout the night when he still did not return. A fear that he might  _ not  _ be coming back at all.

Several days passed in that manner with me refusing to leave the room no matter who ended up visiting. Because really, none of them mattered. Not right now, not to me. Because Sano still hadn’t returned…

It felt as though I were in an eternal state of nightmare-plagued insomnia and exhaustion that left me sleeping throughout the day, buried beneath the cocoon of blankets that I kept wrapped around me. Even when the sound of voices approached the room.

Of course, that all ended whenever a heavy weight came crashing down on top of me, a hoarse yelp slipping from my throat. “Get  _ off _ !”

“Eh!?” The body quickly removed itself from on top of my hiding place...before dragging the blankets off of me as well, despite the string of protests that soon tumbled from my lips. “Ah, geez, Kai. Who died? You look terrible. You’re not sick, are ya?”

Squinting up against the light that filtered into the room, I stared up at the familiar brown-haired teen that I hadn’t seen for months. “Shinpachi…?” If my eyes hadn’t already felt as though they were nearly swollen shut from crying, then I was sure that fresh tears would’ve found their way down my face. “I’m...not sick…” Though his phrasing still made my lip tremble as the events from the previous week played through my mind once again.

A relieved sigh fell from his lips as he crouched down next to me, ruffling my hair up. “Ahh, that’s good. It wouldn’t do us any good on our training if you’re too sick to keep up. I know these babies are definitely ready to get back into action,” Shinpachi chuckled, flexing his arm and patting the muscles there. When that failed to elicit a laugh from me though, his smile falling from his face as he took in the heap of bloodied clothing and tray of untouched food. “Oi… Where’s Sano?”

“He’s...gone. It’s all...my fault...” I choked on the words, my vision suddenly blurry from new tears as I tried to grab back the blankets from him, only for Shinpachi to move them out of my reach.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean that he’s gone!? What’s your fault?” Shinpachi exclaimed, tossing the blankets to the other side of the room.

It was then that a voice spoke up from the open doorway. “See, Shinpat-san? You should’ve listened to me when I tried to explain what’s happened since you’ve been gone, instead of you insisting to only listen afterwards.” We both glanced over to see Okita standing in the doorway, a bored expression on his face as he stared at me, a pair of practice swords resting over his shoulder. “At the very least, Kai-chan is speaking to you. It’s the first she’s said something to anyone for an entire week since it happened. Other than telling us all to go away.”

“Eh? Since what happened?” Shinpachi asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Todori tried to kill Kai, so Harada killed him.” And Okita said it just like that. Cut and dry with no emotion. As if the death and the aftermath didn’t mean anything.

It made my chest ache as I struggled to get the words out of my mouth. “Sano said that...he would take responsibility...for the death… That he’d commit seppuku...if that’s what needed to be done… And he’s… He’s been  _ gone _ for a week...even though he said that he’d be back… A-And… And...and--” I yelped as I was suddenly grabbed by the back of my kimono and dragged out of the room.

“Oi, Souji! What the hell are you doing!?” I heard Shinpachi yell out as I struggled against Okita’s grip before I was tossed to the ground, being greeted by a faceful of dirt and dry grass.

Scowling, I struggled to my knees, wiping the dirt off of my face, even though it likely only smeared it across even more as it mixed itself with my tears. My scowl only turned into confusion as the spare practice sword was tossed in front of me before I had a chance to speak.

“Get up and fight, Kai,” Okita said, pointing the end of his wooden sword at me. “You’re no good to me if you can’t fight.” Before I even had a chance to reach for my sword, he was already swinging at me. The edge of his sword caught my shoulder as I sloppily tried to dodge out of the way and stumbled to my feet, only to be knocked backwards again by a kick to my chest. “If Harada dies, it’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is,” I wheezed out, wiping my face off with the edge of my sleeve as I nearly fell to my knees from the hit.

“No, it isn’t,” Okita insisted, each sentence accompanied by a strike from his sword that either hit its mark or that I was just barely able to awkwardly block. “It’s part of the warrior way to die fighting. To die protecting those that we care about. And to kill those that would try to prevent that. Todori was trying to kill you, so he got what he deserved. Now  _ fight _ , Kai.”

“Just  _ shut up already,” _ I hissed out, a small flame of anger beginning to burn in my chest, my muscles aching and feeling sluggish from overexertion as I brought my sword into a strike against Okita’s.  _ “You don’t know what it was like.” _

Okita pushed my sword off of his, knocking me back a few paces. An odd smirk was on his lips, which only seemed to make me angrier. It didn’t slow down his strikes though. “Didn’t you try to fight back? Or were you going to let him kill you like a dog?”

A frustrated yell fell from my lips as I slashed my sword out once again. “Of course I tried to fight back! I tried and I was  _ useless  _ against him!”

“Then get  _ stronger _ ,” Okita said, the blow from our swords knocking me back against the ground, “or you’re going to keep being useless.” Before I could make a move, Okita had his sword pressed firmly against my throat.

Angry tears forced their way from the corners of my eyes, but even as I spoke, I couldn’t bring my voice above a whisper as the words that I had kept bottled up inside of me, the thoughts that had been plaguing my nightmares, all came boiling out of me. “You don’t  _ get it _ . He wasn’t  _ just _ going to kill me. So it doesn’t matter how much stronger I get. If I’m already  _ dead _ , I’d be useless no matter what to stop things from happening to my body afterwards…”

At that, Okita stilled where he was crouched above me, raising an eyebrow as he murmured, “What was Todori going to do?”

Rubbing my face, I sniffled, the brief sparring session already leaving me feeling drained as I eventually let my eyes slip closed. “He was going to...cut my body into pieces and leave it in front of Kondou’s door…because he felt like Kondou was giving me special treatment instead of  _ his  _ nephew... And I wouldn’t have been able to stop him. And Kondou already blames himself so much for me getting  _ hurt  _ that I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if I had been  _ killed _ … I wanted to become a samurai so that I could protect the people that I care about, my family, my friends...but I can’t even protect  _ myself _ … And now people that I care about are paying for my weakness…”

A moment of silence passed before eventually the sword against my neck was pulled away. However, it was the pinky that wrapped itself around mine that caused my eyes to open in surprise, staring up into the smile and green eyes of Okita. “Then how about we make a promise, hm? Let’s promise to both get stronger so that we can protect Kondou together? Hm,  _ imouto _ ?”

Okita’s smile widened as I stared up at him, caught completely off-guard and my hand still limp against his. My face flushed as I glanced away. “...I...thought you hated me… Why would you want to make a promise like that with me?”

“Oh, I  _ did _ hate you. Don’t get that wrong. I hated how easy it was for you to just waltz in here, how you ended up embarrassing me in the tournament, and I was jealous of how much Kondou cares about you and that you’re actually family with him… But I guess after seeing you train so hard to prove yourself, and how much you care about Kondou and look up to him, it doesn’t make you all that bad. So I...feel like I can trust you.” He pulled me into a sitting position with our linked pinkies, his free hand ruffling my hair and making me scrunch my nose up. “...As long as you don’t keep moping around though. Otherwise it’s not going to be a challenge for me whenever we play together~.”

“...Okay. Then I promise to get stronger so we can protect Kondou.” I nodded, tightening my pinky around Okita’s and flashing a tired smile up at him though it was quick to fade. “...What about Sano? Is he--”

“Oi! Souji! What the  _ hell _ do you think you’re doing?”

We both flinched at the yell, glancing over to see a fuming Hijikata marching over to where we were sitting, a flustered Shinpachi jogging along behind him.

“ _ Ne, ne,  _ Hijikata-kun~. We were just having a bit of fun. You should try it some time…” Okita said, sticking his tongue out at the older student.

"It's… It's fine," I interjected before an argument could break out between the two. "I needed to get out of the room and--"

"Well, it seems as though we've returned at an exciting time," a familiar voice spoke up from behind us.

_ Sanan-san…  _ It was the second voice that made me look up though, my eyes widening.

"When has there ever been a dull moment with these guys, eh?" A tired smirk was spread across the redhead’s face, though I could see the veiled concern in his eyes as he took in my appearance, and I could only imagine the disaster that I must’ve looked like.

Before I could even process what was happening, my body was already moving on its own as I threw my arms around Sanosuke, burying my face against his chest. "You came back…"

It only made Sano chuckle as he ran a hand through my hair, murmuring, “Hey, I told you that I’d be back…” Lifting his head toward Hijikata, he asked, “How was she while we were gone? Hopefully not too much of a handful.”

It only made Hijikata chuckle sheepishly. “Well, she’s more stubborn than you, Harada, that’s for sure. She never left the room and refused to eat anything until you ended up coming back.”

“Until Souji literally dragged her out of the room and started beating her up.  _ Right _ when I had just gotten back and was trying to talk to her too,” Shinpachi complained with a scowl, his arms crossed behind his head.

I felt Sanosuke tense as his gaze landed on the younger brown-haired student, and I could feel from the way that he took a step forward towards Okita that he was  _ angry _ .

“Well  _ someone  _ needed to get her out of her depression,” Okita said dismissively, rolling his eyes before changing the subject. “So what did you do with Todori’s body? It’s a shame that  _ I _ wasn’t the one that killed him, because I would’ve made sure that he would’ve gotten the death that he deserved considering what he was planning to do with Kai’s body after he killed her.”

His words made everybody pause.

My own blood felt as if it had been turned to ice, the familiar panic from that night filling my chest as if Todori’s hands were still wrapped around my neck at that very moment. It felt as if everyone’s eyes were suddenly on me, silently judging me. Before I could stop myself, my feet were already carrying me away from the group, despite hearing several of them calling out my name. I closed the bedroom door behind me, slumping to the floor.

I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting curled up on the floor in Sanosuke and Shinpachi’s room before I heard a knock on the door. “Kururugi-kun? May I come in?” Even though I didn’t answer, the door still slid open, revealing the concerned expression of a familiar green-haired man as he stepped inside and knelt on the floor in front of me. “I’d ask if you’re okay, but I feel like that would be like rubbing salt in your wounds.”

Biting my lip, I looked up at him before shaking my head. “I’m… I’ll be okay. Everything’s just a bit too...fresh in my mind…” My hand rubbed my throat as I glanced down. “Especially when everyone else seems to be able to talk about it so casually… Maybe I’m just being too sensitive about it…”

“No.” Sanan said it so quickly that it made me look up at him in surprise, a gentle smile on his face. “You’re not too sensitive, especially after what you’ve gone through. You’re exactly the way that you’re meant to be. And don’t pay any heed to Okita-kun’s...brash nature.  _ He  _ is someone who could benefit from being  _ more _ sensitive.”

“Then...I’m guessing Souji...told everyone about what happened…?”

“Only because Harada-kun and Nagakura-kun threatened him. It was actually rather amusing,” Sanan murmured, coughing into his fist to hide his amusement before pushing his glasses up. “And while Harada was busy with the others, he asked that I check on you to make sure that you were going to be alright,” he continued, eyeing the tray of untouched onigiri with a sigh before nudging it closer to me.

Biting my lip, I hesitantly took one of the pieces in my hands, nibbling on the rice for a moment before placing it back on the tray. Stress was making my stomach hurt too much to eat right now. “...What’s going to happen to him?”

Sanan stared at me for a few moments before chuckling, reaching out and patting the top of my head in a surprisingly gentle gesture. "Sanosuke already had what little punishment we gave him. As far as Kondou, Hijikata, and I are concerned, he was only doing what he could to protect you. Killing Todori is what  _ any _ of us would’ve done. And if we could’ve managed to uncover Todori’s intentions prior to…” He gestured a hand at me before returning to stroking my hair. “...then we would’ve made him commit seppuku, or killed him ourselves if he refused, because someone like that can’t be trusted. And someone who is so willing to hurt an innocent  _ child _ doesn’t deserve to live.”

I stayed silent for several moments, processing what Sanan said and letting it sink in before I spoke up again, looking up at him. Hesitating. Not daring to get my hopes up on what he meant. “So...Sanosuke’s not going to have to commit seppuku…? What was his punishment then?”

“No, he won’t have to commit seppuku,” Sanan murmured gently. Patiently. As if he’s had to explain a number of things to a number of other children before. It made me imagine that he would be a good father. “He’s a good kid, and one of the few that I know that actually has some sense in his brains. It would be far too much of a waste of his potential if he were to end up dying now…” He chuckled, before his expression became a bit more serious. “As far as his  _ punishment _ went… He merely had to help dispose of the body. It wouldn’t do any good if Todori’s body were to have been discovered here at the dojo. The kind of reputation that it would give it...along with the accusations…”

“I understand, Sanan-sama… I won’t say anything about it,” I whispered, bowing my head and I could almost feel Sanan jolt slightly in surprise before he laughed.

“No, I suppose you won’t, will you? If it hadn’t been for Okita’s actions today, then perhaps you wouldn’t have  _ ever  _ mentioned what happened the other night…” Pushing his glasses up, Sanan stood. “I’ll leave you be for now. I just wanted to make sure that you were faring well. And I know there are a few others who would like to know the same…”

As Sanan opened the door, Sanosuke and Shinpachi came tumbling into the room, landing in a heap of tangled limbs on the floor. My eyes widened with surprise, a light flush dancing across my features. “Sano-san? Shinpat-san?”

"I'll leave her to you two for now," Sanan said with amusement, raising a hand in farewell as he stepped around the pair that were currently trying to untangle themselves from the floor.

Several moments of awkward silence passed before Shinpachi coughed into his fist, plopping down on the floor in front of me and patting my shoulder with a surprising amount of restraint. “Hey, don’t worry. Everything will be alright. We’ll get you back up to full strength in no time! Just look at these babies; they’re the pinnacle of strength!” he exclaimed as he flexed, patting his bicep.

It made a small giggle rise to my lips in spite of myself. Especially when Sanosuke thumped Shinpachi on the back of the head.

“Oi, that’s enough of that. You’ll scare her off again with that tiny brain of yours,” Sano teased, sitting down next to me with a grin. There was something restrained about the action though, the way that his smile didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Why don’t you tell us all about your trip? How was your mother doing?” he asked Shinpachi, pressing a rice ball into my hands as he did so, a look on his face that wouldn't tolerate any complaints.

Biting my lip, I eventually began nibbling at the rice as Shinpachi regaled us with stories of his journey back home and of his time spent with his family. Pretty soon, all three of us were laughing until our stomachs hurt, my head resting against Sanosuke’s shoulder as the two boys began to tell competing stories about their childhoods.

Sano’s fingers threaded their way through my hair while I listened, glad that neither of them brought up what had happened, either with Todori the week prior or with Okita that afternoon. It was a nice change from the misery that I had isolated myself in prior to that night. With food in my stomach, happy company and laughter, and the safety and comfort brought about by Sanosuke’s arm wrapped around me, it wasn’t long before my eyelids fluttered closed and I was lulled into a peaceful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took...an ungodly long amount of time to get done, but I finally managed. And it turned out far far longer than I was expecting it to, but that's alright! It was definitely worth the effort.  
> I know I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter though.  
> ...Spoiler alert: Heisuke gets introduced to the fam! So be on the lookout!


	5. Ch. 4: When Fate Has Other Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, man, this chapter took waaaay too long to write and ended up so much longer than I was expecting. It's definitely a fully packed chapter!

Glancing up at the storm cloud-darkened sky, I pushed my hair out of my face as a few raindrops splattered their way across my nose and cheeks before hurrying to finish the remaining repairs on the leaking roof of the dojo in the hopes of completing them before the rains let loose from the skies.

I had been charged with the task of helping with the repairs since I was so much smaller and lighter than everyone else (though I supposed that also came with the territory of being the youngest in our group), and it made it easier for me to move around on the roof without causing any additional damage. Mostly I was just happy to be able to help out around the dojo in some way.

Humming softly to myself, I finished up what repairs I needed to make just as the skies began to open up in earnest. It was then that I noticed a solitary figure approaching the entrance to the dojo. Someone that I had never seen before and who looked rather young. I watched as he walked to the doorway below, shivering as he peeked his head inside and called out.

“Helloooo? Is anybody in here?”

I waited for a few moments, knowing that there wasn’t going to be a response as the boy shifted awkwardly on his feet with shivers racking his body. It made a shiver of my own course down my spine as the cold rain soaked through my clothing. Poking my head out over the edge of the roof, I called over to him, "Hiya! Whatcha doin?"

The boy let out a yelp of surprise, his hand clutching his chest as he turned to look up at me. "Oh, uh… I was just looking for some place to stay, to get out of the rain for a bit… What are you doing up there?"

Shimmying to the edge of the roof, I dropped down lightly onto the ground, ushering the boy under the protection that the roof provided against the elements. "I was just patching up a small leak in the roof before the storm started," I explained, squeezing some of the water out of my hair before looking over at the boy with my best welcoming grin. "I'm Kai, by the way. Kai Kururugi. But you can just call me Kai! My uncle Kondou is in charge of the dojo here, so you’re more than welcome to stay if you have nowhere else to go. Or you can just wait out the rain here if that's all that you need, if you’re just passing through… Oh!" I paused for a moment, jogging over to a basket in the corner of the room and pulling out two towels before returning over to the boy. "Here. So you can dry off before you catch a cold. I can help dry your hair too if you need, since it's so long."

A bit of an embarrassed flush rose to the boy's cheeks as he took the towel. "Ahh, thanks, Kai. I'm Heisuke, by the way," he said with a grin as he toweled off, his grin gradually fading and his gaze dropping to the floor. "And yeah, I kinda need a place to stay for a while, if it won’t be too much trouble. I just left the last dojo I was training at because one of my friends there betrayed me and accused me of some things that I didn’t do, so I figured I’d try to find someplace else.”

Biting my lip, I reached out and placed a hand on Heisuke’s shoulder. “I’m sorry that that happened to you, but I can always be your friend if you want. And I’m sure that Kondou-san would be willing to let you train here with us too! And then that way we could train together!”

“That’d be great, but um…” Heisuke raised an eyebrow as he looked me up and down, scratching his cheek and looking a bit embarrassed. “...Aren’t you a little young to be training?”

The comment caught me off-guard, my hand falling to my side as I blinked up at Heisuke. “...I’m thirteen, and I’ve been training here since I was seven. How old are  _ you _ supposed to be?”

Heisuke coughed a bit in surprise, his face flushing and waving his hands in front of himself. “Ah, sorry! It’s just that you look so much younger, and you’re even shorter than I am, so I thought that you were a lot younger than thirteen! I mean, I’m fourteen and I’ve gotten confused for being a lot younger too since I’m not that tall yet. But I will be!”

“I guess we both ended up with the short end of the stick then, eh?” I found myself giggling, and eventually both Heisuke and I broke out in laughter together, laughing so hard that tears came to our eyes.

I was so busy laughing that I didn’t even notice Sanosuke and Shinpachi enter the room until Shinpachi spoke up. “Oi, Kai-chan, what’s so funny?”

Blinking, I glanced over at them with a sly grin. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” I teased, sticking my tongue out at Shinpachi who simply marched over to where we were and ruffled up my hair, which only made me nudge him in the side with my elbow.

“Ah, you’re soaked!” Shinpachi said, yanking his hand back and wrinkling his nose up.

“Maybe so, but I still got the roof fixed,” I mumbled as Sanosuke pulled the towel off of my shoulder and resumed my previous efforts of drying my hair. “Guys, this is Heisuke. I invited him to stay and train here at the dojo,” I said, tilting my head over at the boy. “Heisuke, this is Sanosuke and Shinpachi. I’ve been training with them ever since I started at the dojo, so we’re pretty much like family. Or at least, I’m closer to them than I am to my actual brothers…”

“Ah, did something happen to your brothers?” Heisuke asked, wringing the water out of his hair.

“No, not really. She has four older brothers,” Sanosuke spoke up as he ran his fingers through my hair, untangling it as he dried it off. “The two oldest are twins, and they stopped attending the dojo about two years ago to go and pursue apprenticeships elsewhere. The youngest, Jikonza, never bothered attending the dojo here, and...didn’t he eventually decide to go off and study medicine in Kyoto not too long ago?” he asked.

I shrugged, my nose scrunching up. “I think that’s what Ryouga said… It was at the beginning of this year. I still can’t believe that brat just up and decided to go without at least saying good-bye to me before heading to Kyoto though,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest before Shinpachi draped an arm around my shoulders, rubbing his knuckles into my scalp.

“Hey, at least you have us!”

Snorting softly, I elbowed Shinpachi in the side with a grin. “You know Sano and I just keep you around for your muscles, right?” That grin eventually turned into a smirk as I waved his arm off of me. “Though with as much as you steal everyone’s food, it’s likely becoming more fat than anything else,” I teased, poking him in the stomach before dancing out of reach with a laugh when Shinpachi tried to grab after me.

Sano and Heisuke laughed right along, watching our antics. It was only whenever I heard Heisuke let out a series of sneezes that I paused, Shinpachi’s arm looping around my neck in a headlock as he finally caught up.

In that moment, I froze, my throat seizing up in a flash of panic as old whispers invaded my mind.

_ Monster… Monster… Monster… _

_ Freak… Freak… Freak… _

_ Demon… Demon… Demon… _

Before I knew it, Shinpachi’s arm had disappeared from my neck, my knees giving out beneath me as I tumbled into a pair of slender arms. “Oi, Kai! Are you alright?” Heisuke asked when I glanced up at the boy holding me.

Sanosuke stood just a step away, his chest heaving as he slowly lowered his arm back to his side, Shinpachi rubbing his cheek with a grimace from where he had been sent stumbling backwards by Sano’s punch.

I placed my hands on Heisuke’s arms and gave him the strongest smile that I could muster at the moment, even though my legs still felt as if they were trembling beneath me. “I’m-- I’m fine. Just a bit too tight on my neck was all,” I mumbled out, though the worry on Heisuke’s face made my chest feel tight with how openly his emotions played across his expressions. Rising to my feet, I reached out and squeezed Sanosuke’s hand, his gaze flickering down to me with concern. “I’m going to take Heisuke to my room so he can get changed before he gets a cold,” I explained, the redhead’s hand tightening on mine as if he didn’t want me to leave, but he eventually nodded.

“I’ll bring some tea by later once I deal with the idiot here,” Sano said, jerking his thumb toward an unusually quiet Shinpachi whose gaze was sheepish and laced with guilt when he stared at me, still nursing his jaw.

I nodded quietly, tugging Heisuke by his hand out the door and down the walkway that led to my room. Closing the door behind us, I sighed as I slid to the floor, my hands rubbing at my face as my bottom lip suddenly trembled and tears welled up in my eyes. “Sorry… I’m sorry that you had to see that. I hope it doesn’t change how you think of me,” I babbled out, my eyes suddenly going wide as Heisuke pulled me into a hug.

“I know it’s none of my business, but do you want to talk about it? You’re not hurt, are you?” Heisuke asked, patting my back, albeit a bit awkwardly.

Sniffling, I shook my head. “I’m not hurt. It’s just...bad memories,” I sighed, letting my forehead rest against his shoulder for a few moments before pulling away with a weak smile as I went over and pulled out two dry sets of clothes from a basket in the corner. “Here. You can borrow some of my clothes until yours dry, since we should be just about the same size,” I murmured, beginning to peel off the soaked outer layer of my yukata.

“Thanks again, Kai,” Heisuke said, flashing me with a bright smile that managed to coax a smile of my own back to my lips before we both continued changing in silence. It was only once we were both dry and warm that Heisuke spoke up again, asking about what happened.

Taking a deep breath, I rested my forearms across my knees, threading my fingers through my hair. “A couple years ago, someone tried to kill me. To strangle me to death. Obviously it was a pretty traumatic experience, so even now, I still end up with flashbacks or nightmares of that night…” I gestured to my throat with a wry grin. “Like if someone accidentally puts too much pressure on a friendly headlock…”

“Ahhh…” Heisuke rubbed his chin in thought. “That makes a bit more sense. Is that why Sano-san was so…?” He trailed off, waving his hand vaguely, as if he couldn’t quite find the words to describe it.

It made me chuckle slightly. “Sometimes. He’s very passionate about certain things, and about protecting specific things or people… Like me.” My smile faded as I looked down at my lap. “The more that I think about it, the more that I feel like it’s from a sense of guilt, since he wasn’t able to protect me that night. And I think he blames himself for the nightmares that I still have from back then. So he’s been a bit more protective than usual ever since.” I shrugged, looking over at Heisuke with a renewed grin. “I know Shinpachi didn’t mean anything by it though. He’s just pretty forgetful a lot of the time, and tends to forget his own strength at times, but he’s a good guy. I think you’ll really like and get along with both of them and become great friends.”

“You mean like us?” He nudged my shoulder with his own, a grin on his lips which only made me laugh in agreement. Eventually, he scratched his cheek, hesitating for a moment. “So, uh, who was that Ryouga that you guys were talking about earlier?”

“Oh.” I blinked, my nose scrunching up as a slightly bitter taste filled my mouth. “He’s my other brother. He used to stay at the dojo all the time, and we used to room together, but he spends more time at our family estate than here. He’s become more of a pain in my butt than anything else,” I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. “All he ever really does is come back every so often with letters from my parents asking when I’m going to come back home and give up on becoming a samurai.”

The obvious disdain in my voice caused Heisuke to send me a sympathetic grin. “That bad, eh?”

“Pretty much. I’m mostly still trying to figure out how to get out of having to be married off whenever they say that I’m old enough...since I know that’s what they likely have planned for me…” I muttered, before shaking my head. “I honestly just don’t want to end up leaving everyone here. They’re more of a family to me than my blood family. Though I guess blood doesn’t always amount to everything, huh?”

“Ha! You can say that again! My family isn’t much better… Though I guess we have each other now, hm?” Heisuke crossed his arms behind his head, leaning back against the floor. “Tell me about the others here.”

And I did. I told him all about Kondou and Hijikata. About Sanan and Inoue. About Okita and Shinpachi. About Iba’s visits and his friendship with the members of our dojo. It was when Heisuke started asking about Sanosuke that I paused, finding it difficult to adequately describe him.

"Well…" I started slowly, trying to carefully choose my words, "he's the one that I'm closest to out of everyone here, and he's always looking out for me and trying to take care of me even when he doesn't realize that I notice him doing it. So I guess he's almost like a big brother, though I would prefer to say that he's my best friend, but..."

There was one big problem that I had begun to notice that had been arising the past few months. Of the fluttering feeling in my chest and tingling in my stomach that had begun to appear whenever Sanosuke would smile or patted my head or gave me hugs… Of the way that my face would flush whenever I would notice just how much Sano had grown up over the years. Of how tall he had gotten. Of how his voice had started to sound like a deep, smooth honey that matched the color of his eyes. Of how lanky teenage limbs had become more toned and muscular, his shoulders broadening. It complemented his fighting style and how much he had progressed with his training with a spear. Of how much I thought that he was  _ handsome _ … Of the hopes for the future that kept filling my head with daydreams.

Heisuke’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts as he pinched one of my cheeks. “Haha, you look so cute when you blush like that. I bet it would look even cuter if you were a girl,” he teased, his grin wide as he laughed.

And in that moment, I realized that Heisuke didn’t know that I was actually a girl, and I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to end up breaking that illusion. My smile widened as I laughed, swatting at his hand. “Yeah, well,  _ you’d _ probably look pretty cute if you were dressed up as a girl with your long hair.”

It only made Heisuke sputter in surprise as his face turned beet-red. Any comeback that he was going to attempt was cut off suddenly by Sanosuke opening the door to my room, a tea tray in his hands and a bit of a tense aura surrounding him. It made my grin drop slightly as worry stirred in my chest, but that was soon replaced by my stomach doing small flips when Sano smiled at me. My heart beat just a little bit faster after that.

“Are you feeling any better, Kai?” Sanosuke asked, handing me a cup of tea before giving one to Heisuke and settling down next to me, smoothing his hand through my hair.

I nodded, taking a sip of the tea and my eyes sliding closed from the soothing gesture. “Yeah, I’m better. We were just talking about how Heisuke would make a cuter girl than I would. You didn’t end up beating Shin up too much, did you?” I teased, nudging his leg with my foot, earning myself a laugh from the redhead.

Whatever tenseness he had been feeling before he came into my room had disappeared as the three of us continued talking. The sounds of rain and thunder washed away all of the worries that we’d had as the other members of the dojo came by to introduce themselves and meet Heisuke, Kondou agreeing to allow the boy to stay and train with us. It made me happy to see that Heisuke fit in so well with our little family that we had all built together.

It was almost enough for me not to notice the faint melancholy silence that Sanosuke found himself in. In the days and weeks that followed Heisuke’s arrival, however, the melancholy only seemed to grow until it had developed into a nearly tangible wall keeping distance between us.

And I couldn’t figure out how to bridge the gap that had suddenly formed.

Sighing, I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand, staring up at the cloudless sky as the summer heat beat down upon the earth. Between the weather and Sanosuke’s distance, I wasn’t sure which one was making me feel worse, but I knew that for the past several days I’d certainly been feeling far more worse for wear than I’d ever felt before. And it didn’t have anything to do with Souji’s increasingly persistently brutal sparring sessions either, even if those left me aching and sore for days afterward. Even now, my back was protesting each movement that I tried to make with a sharp stab of pain to my lower back.  _ And _ I knew that it didn’t have anything to do with Ryouga visiting either, despite the friction still remaining between us as he continued to try to persuade me to return home.

Above all of that though, I just wanted to be able to fix whatever had happened to my friendship with Sanosuke. So much so that the thought had brought me to the edge of tears several times within the past several months.

“Kai-chan!”

The familiar voice made me look up, a grin spreading across my face as I stood up, holding my arms out to receive the hug that Iba was offering. “Hachiro! I missed you! It’s been too long since your last visit.”

“I know,” he said when he pulled back, an apologetic smile on his lips. “My training’s just been getting far more intensive, so I haven’t been able to have as many breaks. Especially not ones long enough to be travelling for extended periods of time. I’m going to end up staying in Kyoto to finish my training, though that won’t be for a couple of years still yet.” Iba placed his hands on my shoulders, his expression turning to one of concern. “Are you okay? You don’t look like you feel too well. Like there’s something on your mind.”

I blinked, staring up at him for a few moments before sighing. “More like a lot of things on my mind…” I admitted softly, shaking my head. “But I’ll work them out on my own,” I said before quickly changing the subject before I could end up dwelling too much more. “Have you met Heisuke yet?”

“Yes, I have. He’s the one who told me you were over here,” Iba murmured, giving my shoulder a light squeeze. We stayed silent for a few moments before eventually he spoke up again as we began to walk around the courtyard, keeping his voice low. “Would you like to spar for a bit? It might help you get your mind off of things, or at least help organize your thoughts. I saw Ryouga when I arrived, so I figured that might be part of the reason that you’re stressed.”

My chest heaved with a sigh as I ran my hand back through my hair, slowly taking the practice sword that was held out to me. “Partially. I don’t want to go home. To go back to my parents and their plans. But that’s...not really what’s been bothering me…” I eventually admitted as we took our stances and exchanged a few parries and dodges of the blades, merely going through the motions of the forms than any serious sparring. “I don’t even know what’s really  _ wrong _ … I’ve been feeling...weird and easily distracted, and then ever since Heisuke and I became friends, Sanosuke’s been acting...different and distant, but I can’t figure out why or how to approach him about it…’

Iba hummed softly, blocking my next few sword thrusts before shaking his head. “Feeling weird how?”

I paused, standing still for a few moments and planting the tip of my sword on the ground, leaning on it. “Just…” I waved my hand in vague circles in front of me before sighing, my shoulders slumping. “I don’t really know how to describe it… I’ve just been feeling really tired all the time, like my limbs keep wanting to drag, no matter how much rest I get. The same goes for the back pain. And it’s felt like the smallest things make me start to feel emotional… I don’t know if it’s just the stress of everything piling up, but I just feel so...so  _ tired _ …” Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, making me sniffle and push them away with the hem of my sleeve.

A look of concern flashed across Iba’s face so quickly that I almost thought that I imagined it as he turned his gaze away from mine, chewing on his bottom lip.

That did little to quell the rising worry in my gut. “You know something that I don’t. What is it?”

Another apologetic smile found its way to Iba’s lips. “I just thought that we’d have a bit more time… That we’d have more time to plan…”

My brows furrowed in confusion. “ _ Iba _ , what are you talking about?” I hissed out, grabbing onto the front of his yukata. “Plan for  _ what _ exactly?”

His voice was low as he leaned in closer to me, his gaze darting around and speaking with a hushed sense of urgency. “Remember? I promised to help you to be able to persuade your parents not to marry you off once you started on the path of becoming a woman. Well, I think we’re starting to run out of time for that. That all of the ways that you've been starting to feel are a precursor to that happening."

"I'm only thirteen though. I’d thought that I should still have years left before I'm old enough…" I murmured, though even I could tell how hollow those words sounded to my own ears, a sudden surge of panic making my throat constrict. "Is that why…? Is that why my parents have been sending Ryouga here more often? Why they're getting that much more insistent that I return home?"

Suddenly, Iba wrapped his arms around me, burying my face against his chest. "I promise that I'll do everything I can to help. I just need to speak with my father, and try to get things set up. That way we can both end up being with the person that we're in love with…"

"What?" I stiffened, glancing up at Iba with wide eyes. "Person I'm in love with…? But I'm not..." The words died on the tip of my tongue before they could even be spoken, my face burning red when Iba chuckled and shook his head, looking down at me with mirth in his green eyes. It felt as if he could see right through me.

"Then what  _ do  _ you feel for Harada-kun, if it's not love?" When I wasn't able to answer, Iba pulled away, patting the top of my head with a chuckle. "Whatever's going on between you two, I'm sure that you'll work it out."

I handed him the practice sword when he held a hand out for it, sighing as he walked away. My heart was still pounding in my chest, everything feeling so much more confusing than it had been just moments prior.

Pacing around the courtyard, my thoughts continued to jumble up around each other, feeling in a daze as my feet eventually carried me to the kitchen. Could what I felt for Sanosuke be  _ love? _ He was my best friend and had always been there for me. But then why had I hesitated whenever both Heisuke and Iba had asked me? Why had my thoughts immediately drifted to the new happy flutters that had recently been making themselves at home in my stomach and chest whenever Sanosuke was around?

The more important thought that soon overshadowed my mind, as I grabbed a tray of food to take to my room, was that if I was in love with Sanosuke, did he feel the same way towards me? He was only five years older than me, but was that too big of an age gap for him to develop feelings for me? Was I too young right now? Or did he only see me as a child that he had to protect simply because I was a  _ girl _ ? I already knew his views on how men needed to protect women. But did that mean that he was only protecting me out of some sort of moral obligation?

I sighed, nearly doubling over as a spike of pain drove its way through my stomach until I had to brace my shoulder against one of the wooden beams.

"Oi, Kai! You okay?" a voice called out, making me look over my shoulder to see Heisuke, Shinpachi, and Sanosuke walking over to me together. It was impossible to miss the worry that laced their expressions.

A small smile spread across my lips at the sight of them. "I'll be alright. I'm just tired and my stomach hurts, so I was just going to eat and rest for a bit," I said, lifting my tray in front of me. "Iba and I ended up sparring for a while before he mentioned needing to go talk to his father about something..."

I trailed off as Sanosuke reached out, plucking the tray from my hands and handing it off to Shinpachi. Before I could bite out a retort, he merely shook his head, pressing his hand to my forehead. My face instantly flushed red.

"You feel a bit warm… Are you sure that's all?" he asked quietly, amber eyes meeting my own, a protectiveness in his voice. "Iba didn't hurt you while you two were sparring, did he?"

The question made me raise an eyebrow in confusion as I glanced past Sanosuke to the twin looks of concern on Heisuke and Shinpachi's faces. "No," I said slowly, my nose scrunching up as I turned my gaze back to Sanosuke, "I wasn't hurt at all. Just still recovering from a couple of pulled muscles from mine and Souji's last practice. Why…?"

It was Heisuke who cleared his throat in answer, twiddling his fingers together. "Ah, well… You see… You're, uh...kinda trailing blood everywhere."

The words make my veins feel like ice, a shiver running down my spine. "What?" It was then that I glanced at the ground, noticing the faint stream of red trailing across the floor and ending at my feet before continuing up my leg, soaking into my hakama.

Sanosuke’s arms were around me before I even realized that my legs had started giving out beneath me. “Go get Sanan,” he ordered, scooping me up off the ground. Whether he was talking to Heisuke or Shinpachi, I wasn’t sure and I didn’t get a chance to be able to tell as he whisked me away down the hallways to my room.

I glanced up at him from beneath my hair as we waited, my fingers twisting nervous knots into the fabric of my yukata. My heart hammering against my chest made me feel lightheaded, suddenly grateful that Sano was holding me. It seemed like regardless of whatever tenseness had been between us before, Sanosuke was still ever-willing to drop whatever else he was doing to still take care of me when I needed him.

It wasn't until Sanosuke placed me on the floor in my room, cupping my face and running his thumbs against my cheeks that I even realized that I had started crying. “Kaien? Are you in pain? Do you--”

“I thought you hated me,” I blurted out, cutting him off and rubbing at my eyes with my sleeves, unable to stop myself from blubbering on. “Ever since Heisuke came here, you’ve been acting so distant and-- and different, and I th-thought that…”

Warm lips pressed firmly against my forehead, my words lost as I stared up at Sanosuke with wide eyes. “I could never hate you, Kaien. I promise.” He pulled back, sighing and running a hand through his hair. A look of regret passed over his features before he shook it off, a wane smile on his lips. “I just didn’t want to get in the way of your feelings for Heisuke, with as close as you two have been getting so quickly. You’re almost the exact same age too, so it wouldn’t be that unusual for you to start liking each other as more than friends…”

My mouth gaped open as I stared at the redhead in disbelief.  _ He thinks I have feelings for Heisuke? That's why he's been more distant. Is he jealous? Does that mean that  _ **_he_ ** _ has feelings for me? _

"Sano, I--"

Before I could finish, Sanan and Ryouga entered the room, causing Sanosuke to stand to leave. It was only after a moment's hesitation that he knelt next to me, pulling me into a hug and whispering, "I'll always love you, Kaien. No matter who you choose…"

"W-Wait--" But he was already gone, the door closing behind him and leaving me alone to face my fate.

An hour later, I sat staring up at the ceiling, clean clothing on and clutching at the blanket in my lap. It took all of my effort not to huff and roll my eyes at my brother sitting across from me.

"Ryouga…" I said slowly, exasperation filling my voice as the core of all of our old arguments was brought to the surface yet again. "I'm not going back home. I don't want to  _ be there _ . I don't care if…" My face flushed red in embarrassment as the lecture I'd received about women's blood cycles echoed in my head. "I don't care if my body is going through changes. I can still train to become a samurai. If you'd just  _ listen _ to me--"

" _ No _ ."

The word cut like a knife, making me since back.

"This isn't about what you want or what I want. You've stayed here for as long as Father will allow it. Now that your womanhood has started, you have to return. If you don't come back willingly, then Father himself will come to fetch you, and it would be best for everyone, especially your  _ friends _ , if you would simply do what you're told for once in your life!" Ryouga snapped, his jaw and shoulders tense, dark circles prominent under his eyes from nights of restless sleep.

"And why should I?" I snapped back, balling my hands into fists. "Why should I go back? Just to be forced to act like a  _ proper _ lady? What good would acting like that get me? So I can just be some pretty, dressed up doll? I can't just sit around all day as somebody else's entertainment!" Regardless of my complaints though, the very idea of Father deciding to hurt all of my friends, my  _ true _ family, made my stomach turn.

"It's not up for discussion, Kaien," Ryouga responded, running a hand down his face. "We're going to be leaving. I've already told Sanan to have everyone be told that you're returning home in order to be treated by our family doctor."

Shock ran through me like a bolt of lightning. “So I get no say in the matter?” It wasn't long before that shock turned into anger though. "And then what? What will they be told when I don't end up coming back? Are you going to lie and tell them that I died?"

"That's for Father to decide. Not me," Ryouga stated, blue eyes dull as he glanced away. There was something in his expression that I couldn't quite place, emotions that I couldn't quite name. Chills coursed down my spine as he stood up, beginning to gather my belongings. "We're going to be leaving soon. It would be best if you said your goodbyes now. They should be waiting by the entrance."

I bit my lip, staring in disbelief as Ryouga continued to pack my things.  _ We're already leaving? But I haven't even had a chance to tell Sanosuke… to explain how I really feel… I have to buy some time to be able to tell him… I just need a distraction... _

Clearing my throat, I reached out, tugging on the back of Ryouga's yukata. "Nii-san?" It had been a long time since I had called my brother that, the shock making him freeze slightly before he turned to me, raising an eyebrow. "Can you get me something to eat first? I didn't have a chance to yet… Just something quick, and then I'll… I'll go say goodbye…" I couldn't quite keep the quiver out of my voice.

But Ryouga's expression softened, a sigh falling from his lips as he gently smoothed a hand through my hair. "I'll go find a couple of onigiri. That way we'll have something to eat while we head home." Reaching the door, he paused for a moment before leaving toward the kitchen.

As soon as I was sure that he was gone, I scrambled over to one of the floorboards, lifting it and pulling out my journal. Flipping to the last page, I quickly scrawled out a message for Sanosuke, my heart pounding painfully against my ribs. My hands were shaking by the time that I had finished, stashing the journal and ink away as I heard Ryouga's footsteps returning.

I was smoothing my hands over the blanket, trying to regain some semblance of calm by the time that Ryouga entered the room, handing me one of the onigiri that he had acquired. I thanked him, quickly leaving my bedroom for the last time. There was a pang in my heart at the thought that it would be the last time that I would spend a night there...or at the dojo. Regardless, I forced my feet forward despite the pain--both physical and emotional--until I found everyone mingling near the entrance to the dojo.

_ My friends… The men that have become more like family to me than my own blood family… _

A weak smile tugged at my lips as I was surrounded by their concerned faces.

“Kai!” Heisuke exclaimed, grabbing onto my arm. His sea-green eyes were wide with concern, and perhaps a bit of fear. “Sanan-san says that you’re going to be leaving. Please don’t say that it’s true! It’s not going to be the same without you here…” he mumbled, his cheeks puffing out as he scuffed his toes against the floor.

“Yeah, we still have a lot more training to do,  _ imouto, _ ” Souji added, draping his arm over my shoulders and poking my cheek. Despite the humor in his voice, his body was tense with worry, especially when he cast a glare back over my shoulder towards my bedroom. I had no doubt that Ryouga was likely standing nearby, watching and listening, probably to make sure that I didn't say anything that he didn't want me to.

Clearing my throat, I gave a small nod, my gaze drifting between the faces that were circled around me. "I, um...have to go to be treated by our family doctor. S-So hopefully, he'll be able to fix whatever is wrong, and then I’ll be able to get back to my training. I just...wish that I didn’t have to leave all of you.”

Hijikata sighed, resting his hand on my shoulder and making me look up at him. “All of us are going to miss having you around. It’s not going to be the same without you… Just be sure to take care of yourself and get better soon.” He held his hand out towards me, his pinky finger extended as I stared at him in awe. “When you get better, we’ll spar together.”

Blinking back the sudden tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks, I nodded, my pinky linking with Hijikata's. “Thank you, Hijikata-san. I look forward to the day that that will happen,” I murmured, sniffling softly as he smoothed down my hair with a pinched smile before moving away to speak with Kondou. I didn’t have time to wonder what they were speaking about as everyone else made their ways forward, giving me hugs or words of farewell.

Okita shuffled forward, his arms crossed as he refused to meet my eyes. “This is stupid,” he huffed under his breath, running a hand back through his hair with a look of pain. “You shouldn’t have to leave. There’s still so much--...”

I placed my hand on his arm, finally making his gaze meet mine before I leaned in and gave him a hug, speaking quickly under my breath. “I know, but I’m not being given a choice, Souji. I’ll keep up my training though. That way we’ll be able to protect Kondou-san together again when I come back.” Pulling back, I smiled up at Okita who eventually returned my smile with a smirk of his own. “Just protect him for me until I’m able to again, okay? Until I’ll be able to keep our promise?”

“Don’t worry. Nothing will stop me,” he agreed, patting my head. “And you better keep up with your training, because the next time we spar, I’d hate to kill you,” Okita teased, waving back at me as he walked off.

As I looked back at where Heisuke and Shinpachi were standing nearby, a frown quickly tugged at my lips when I noticed one particular person who had been absent during all of the goodbyes. The one person that I most needed to see. The person that I most  _ wanted _ to be able to see. “...Where’s Sano?”

Heisuke and Shinpachi grimaced as they glanced at each other, Heisuke eventually being the one to break the tense silence. Each word only felt like a stone in my stomach. “Ah, well… You see… When Sano ended up leaving your room, he seemed pretty upset and distressed about something, but when we tried to ask him about it, he just waved us off and said that he was going to go for a walk to try to relax. That was...an hour ago now though. We sent a couple of people to go look for him the moment that Sanan-san told us that you’d be having to leave, but...there’s no telling if they’ve found him yet or how long it’ll take for him to return…”

“Kai!”

The sound of my name made me look up, the brief fluttering of hope quickly being quashed when I saw that it was only Iba and his father making their way towards us. “Hachiro-kun. Iba-sama,” I greeted, bowing to the both of them.

“Are both of you ready?" Iba's father spoke, his expression gentle as he looked at me before raising an eyebrow at Ryouga.

"Sir?"

"My son and I shall be accompanying you to your home. There are several matters of great importance that I wish to speak with your father about."

It wasn't difficult to notice the way that Ryouga stiffened. His gaze shot over to where I was standing, his jaw clenched. I was sure that he suspected me to have planned something behind his back, and while I had spoken to Iba numerous times over the years about trying to find a way to keep from being married off, I had absolutely no idea about what any of his ideas or plans were for actually fulfilling that promise.

Hachiro smiled reassuringly at me, nodding slightly. Somehow that didn't make me feel much better, the anxiety in the pit of my stomach making my skin crawl with unease.

"Heisuke. Shinpachi…" I murmured, my gaze dropping to the floor until a hand rested on my shoulder. I was met with two pairs of familiar green eyes, being pulled into a hug by the two boys that had been like brothers to me. "I’ll write to you guys. And hopefully you’ll all be able to visit some time soon. Just… Let Sano know for me, okay?”

The pair both smiled, though I could tell that it didn’t quite reach their eyes.

“Yeah. Don’t you worry about a thing, Kai-chan,” Shinpachi said, ruffling my hair up as he stepped back. “We’ll let him know what’s going on.”

“Yeah! And we’ll all see you again soon! And we’ll throw a party with lots of good food too!” Heisuke exclaimed, his attempts to cheer me up merely causing a pang of loneliness to echo through my heart.

Would I get to see any of them again? Would I be allowed visitors? ...Or would I simply end up being locked away from the rest of the world? Married off to some stuck-up noble? I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to think about a lot of things that seemed to suddenly be coming to an end far sooner than I wanted, with no time to prepare for any of it.

“C’mon, Kai,” Iba murmured, pulling me away from the last of my goodbyes as our departing party began making its way to where a set of horses were tied up near the front of the dojo. “Did you manage to tell Harada-san?” he whispered, glancing behind us to make sure my brother was out of earshot.

Biting my lip, I shook my head, leaning in closer to Iba. “No… I never had a chance to say anything to him about...what we talked about...before Sanan and Ryouga had come into my room… He thinks that I have feelings for Heisuke instead of him…”

Raising an eyebrow, Iba snorted softly, shaking his head and helping me climb up onto one of the horses. “Don’t worry. I’m sure everything will work out fine.”

“I hope so… But I have something that I'll need you to do if it doesn't,” I whispered as Iba retreated when Ryouga came over to join me.

The ride home was uncomfortable, to say the least. Between the physical pain and the emotional turmoil raging inside of me, I couldn't stop the tears that streaked across my face and I felt completely drained by the time that we stopped in front of the house.

A familiar face that I hadn’t seen in years greeted us. “Lord Ryouga. Lady Kaien.”

“Kiko-san!” I clung to the woman’s arms when she helped me down from the horse’s back.

“You’ve grown,” she murmured with a fond smile on her lips, though that didn’t stop me from noticing the dark circles around her eyes. As if she’d had many sleepless nights lately.

“Kiko,” Ryouga spoke up, “go get Kaien changed and cleaned up. We have guests.” He tilted his head towards where Iba and his father were standing.

“Ah--! My lords... Welcome.” Kiko bowed to the pair before leaning closer to Ryouga and whispering something that I couldn’t make out. “......problem... _ he’s _ already......meeting...…Lord Kururugi...”

Ryouga’s expression remained blank as his gaze flickered over to where I was standing. For the briefest of seconds, I almost thought that I saw a flash of worry in his blue eyes, but he turned his back on me before I could be certain. “Go get Kaien ready,” Ryouga commanded, leading Iba and his father away.

Hachiro turned back to me, giving me a reassuring smile as we were led in opposite directions.

Despite the reassurance that he tried to show me, it was dampered by Kiko’s silence as she brought me to the bedroom that I had used for the first years of my life. And I couldn’t bear to break the silence, my throat feeling choked with anxiety as Kiko tugged a comb through my hair and painted my face with make-up, pulling me into a woman’s kimono.

It had been years since I’d last worn one, and it felt stifling. Too tight. Constricting. Suffocating. It felt  _ wrong _ . Like I was being stripped of all of the achievements that I had earned over the past seven years. Half my life. It wasn’t fair.

I could only hope that whatever Iba’s plan was...that it worked.

Following Kiko, we made our way to the dining hall.  _ The irony that this is where my journey as a samurai both began and will be brought to an end... _

“Excuse us. We’re coming in,” Kiko called out, opening the door and ushering me forward into the room.

Mother and Father were seated at the front of the room with Ryouga sitting near them, and an open space that I presumed was for me next to Father. At the side opposite of my parents were Iba and his father. And across from where I would be sitting was a stranger with an intimidating aura, reddish-violet hair, and piercing eyes.

“Kaien, it’s so good of you to finally join us,” Father stated, a steely glint to his eyes as I made my way to sit between my brother and father.

“I’m sure it is,” I replied, unable to keep the ice out of my voice.  _ Yeah, good for  _ **_him_ ** **...**

Other than a glare sent my way, Father said no more to me, his focus turning towards the boy and his father that were my only hope. “So, Iba-san, to what pleasure do we owe this visit?” Father asked, taking a sip of tea. “I’m afraid that if you’re here to recruit my sons to join your dojo... Well, they’ve all left and followed their own paths except for Ryouga here, and he’s not going to be leaving anytime soon...”

“Kururugi-san, I’m afraid that you’re mistaken,” Iba’s father stated pleasantly, waving a hand in dismissal. “We’re not here for your sons. On the contrary, we’ve come here with a proposal for your daughter.” The next words caught me off-guard, knocking my breath out of me. “Hachiro would like to extend his hand in marriage to Kaien.”

It seemed as though I wasn’t the only one to be caught off-guard by the statement though, Father and the stranger both tensing.

I shot a bewildered glance over at Hachiro, who merely gave a slight shake of his head and mouthed,  _ ‘Trust me.’ _

“It would be a mutually beneficial union,” Iba-sama continued. “You know of the prestige that my dojo holds, and Hachiro will be soon to take over as the dojo’s master once he comes of age. And with their closeness in age, they would both have time to prepare for the marriage--”

“And how exactly does that benefit  _ you _ , Iba-san?” the stranger asked, interrupting him as he lifted his cup to his lips and took a drink. His gaze trailed over to me, and I had to suppress a shiver.

“I’m sorry, but you are...?” Hachiro’s father asked, his smile becoming strained.

“This,” Father spoke up, gesturing towards the man, “is Kanryusai Takeda. He is the leading expert in Koshu Military Science. And he is to be Kaien’s husband. After she is well enough, she will go with Takeda and live with his family so that she can be trained in how to manage the household and to serve her future husband. We’ve already reached an agreement as to the terms of the marriage will--”

“No!” The word was out of my mouth before I could stop myself, a bubble of rage rising in my gut. “Stop talking about me as if I’m not even in the room! You have no right--”

My head snapped to the side, my cheek burning and throbbing from where Father’s hand had been just moments before. I could taste blood in my mouth, and my ears were ringing.

“You’ll have to excuse Kaien’s  _ insolence _ , Takeda-san,” I heard Father say. “She’s been corrupted by the students at her uncle’s dojo, choosing to take the path of the blade rather than to learn how to be a proper woman. Needless to say, she’ll need to be...disciplined to return to her feminine ways.”

“If I may interject,” Hachiro spoke up, his voice taking on a far too polite tone.  _ He’s angry... _ “I see no reason as to why Kaien wouldn’t be capable of both. She already has immense skill with a sword and spear, and she’d be more than competent as an onna-bugeisha. If she were to come with my family, then she’d be able to do both and--”

“Absolutely not,” Father growled, slamming his hands on the floor. “You would do well to control your son’s tongue,  _ Gunbei _ ...”

I noticed the way that Mother and Ryouga both flinched at the outburst, my gaze trailing across the faint bruising that spotted the back of my mother’s neck, barely concealed by her kimono.  _ When had Father’s temperament changed and become this...violent and angry? How long has he been hurting them? Had he always been like this and I was just too young to notice? Is that why Ji-kun, Shinsami, and Tosuke all left when they could? To get away from Father? _

“My son has said nothing wrong,  _ Sanjiro _ ... It would be a waste of Kaien’s talents to restrict her to being simply a housewife,” Iba-sama spoke, icy displeasure seeping through every word.

“It doesn’t matter what you think. The arrangements are already being made, and they’ll be leaving at the end of the week back to Takeda-san’s estate,” Father said with a tone of finality, leaving no more room for argument. “Ryouga, take your sister to her room, and escort the Ibas from the estate. Takeda-san and I have more to discuss.”

“Yes, Otou-sama.”

And just like that, with a wave of dismissal from my father’s hand, my fate was sealed.

Ryouga all but dragged me out of the room, my legs feeling like iron blocks as I struggled to keep moving forward against the crushing weight that was suddenly weighing me down.

“Nii-san? May I have a few moments with Iba-kun? To say good-bye?” I asked, pleading up at my brother once again.

Letting out a sigh, Ryouga tilted his head towards a secluded alcove that would prevent anyone from eavesdropping on our conversation. “Hurry. Before Father sees.”

“I’m so sorry, Kaien...” Hachiro mumbled when we’d reached the alcove, squeezing my hand. “I didn’t think... I didn’t think that your father would already have had plans or a suitor lined up... If I’d have been able to do something sooner...”

“And your plan was for  _ us _ to get married?” I asked, though even to my own ears, my voice sounded hollow. Maybe it was the shock of everything happening all at once.

“The plan was to make your father  _ think _ we’d get married. Then you could keep training and marry Harada-san, and I could marry Chizuru,” Iba explained, regret in his voice as he gently placed cold fingers against my throbbing cheek.

“Chizuru?”

“Mm. The girl I’ve told you about, remember? The one whose father is a doctor in Western medicine,” Iba murmured before sighing. “I wish things could’ve gone differently...”

“Can you do something for me, Hachiro?” I asked, lowering my voice as I glanced over at where my brother was speaking with Iba’s father. “You know how I’d said that I had something I needed you to do if your plan didn’t work out...?”

“Mm... Anything,” he said with a nod.

“In my room at Shieikan, there’s a journal under a loose floorboard. I wrote a note on the last page of it for Sanosuke but I wasn’t able to give it to him before I had to leave...” My grip tightened on Iba’s hand, the desperation of my situation catching up to me. “Can you find it and give it to him for me? I need him to know how I feel about him... Please?”

Blinking, Iba stared at me for a few moments before huffing out a small sigh. “Of course I will.” He bowed in front of me, a smile tugging at his lips. “You can count on me.” His smile faded as he glanced back to where his father and Ryouga were waiting. “I just wish that I could’ve done more...”

“You’ve been my friend, and you’ve done what you could to try to help. That’s more than enough, Iba-kun,” I murmured. “I’ll...just have to be strong on my own from here on out.”

Silence fell between us as we returned to the others, Ryouga and I sending our farewells with the two until it was just us left. My brother didn’t question me about what Hachiro and I had spoken about, instead simply leading me to my room where I was left to dwell in silence. Apart from Kiko checking in and helping me with the new symptoms of womanhood and changing clothes, I was...alone. More alone than I’d ever felt in years.

Those three days that passed since I had left Shiei Hall were the longest three days of my life. It felt hard to believe that the place that I had spent the first years of my life had suddenly turned into a prison, so cold and devoid of love and life. Each moment that I spent trapped there, confined to my room, left me yearning to be back at the dojo, surrounded by the friends and people that loved me. 

And each moment left me wondering if Iba had made it back. If Sanosuke had read my letter. If, perhaps, he might even be on his way to save me from the marriage that I’d be forced into. That he’d come and scoop me up into his arms and protect me from the world like he already had so many times before.

...But I knew deep in my heart that that was merely wishful thinking. There would be no knight in shining armor to come save me this time. I was utterly alone. My  _ father _ had made sure of that...

After the symptoms and pain of my blood cycle had passed, I left my bedroom, thankful to be able to stretch my legs that evening after being cooped up for so long as I walked through the garden. My feet brought me to the sakura tree in the middle, my fingers brushing against the bark. It seemed like a lifetime ago since that fateful birthday when I had first met Sanosuke, when I had shown him the secret of my blood and used it to heal him.

I sighed, closing my eyes as I rested my head against the tree trunk.  _ Oh, Sano... I wish you were here with me right now... _

That was when I noticed the other presence approaching, the hairs on the back of my neck prickling with unease. My gaze shot up to the man that strode towards me, my heart dropping to my feet. “Takeda-san,” I said, careful to keep my voice neutral. “What are you doing here?”

“What? Is it a crime for me to walk around a place that I’m a guest at?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. The question was rhetorical though, his lips pulled back into a smirk as he stared down at me. “I merely saw that you were out of your room and that I would see how you are doing.”

“And why exactly do you care?” I bit out, taking a step back from Takeda. Unfortunately, for every step that I took backwards, he took two more forward, quickly making the distance between us dwindle until my back was pressed up against the tree.

“You are to be my wife. As your husband, I have to care,” Takeda stated, his tone matter-of-fact as he reached his hand toward me. I slapped the hand away from me, causing Takeda to raise an eyebrow. “Hmm. Full of fire, aren’t you?” he asked, flexing his hand before catching my shoulder and pinning me to the tree. His other hand grabbed my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Perhaps I should punish you for daring to raise a hand against your husband.” His grip tightened, causing a yelp of pain to fall from my lips, the tree’s bark digging into my back.

The swell of panic in my chest almost caused me to miss the sound of metal sliding against metal--a sword being unsheathed--until the tip of a blade flashed in front of my face, pressing against Takeda’s throat. “Get your  _ filthy hands _ off my sister.”

There was a moment of silence as Takeda stared down at me, making my stomach curdle with the fear that punched through me. Eventually, he reluctantly pulled back, turning his glare on Ryouga. "You had best learn your place. I'll let you off with a warning this time, but don't expect me to be as forgiving if you cross me again…" Takeda murmured, retreating back towards the house.

I sank to the ground, my knees giving out beneath me as Ryouga hastily sheathed his sword, kneeling next to me. "Are you okay?" he asked, his fingers gently touching my face causing me to wince and flinch back.

"It's... probably going to bruise...but I'll be--"

"Don't say that you'll be fine. Don't say that you're fine. I know that this whole situation is killing you," Ryouga interjected, grabbing my hand and pulling me back to my feet.

"Ryouga…" I yanked my hands away from him, stepping back. "It's not killing me. It's  _ torture _ . I don't want my whole life decided for me. I don't want to be shoved off onto some noble. Especially not  _ Him _ … Back at Shieikan, I felt like I actually had a choice about who and what I could be and do."

"You can't go back to Shieikan, Kaien…" Ryouga murmured, looking more tired than I had seen him in a very long time. He looked about the same as how I felt.

"I  _ know _ I can't. I'm being  _ forced _ to go live with some  _ prick _ that I'm going to be forced to marry," I hissed out, my anger beginning to rise. Didn't Ryouga  _ know _ that I already knew that? That I'd never be able to go back to living my life the way that I had been?

Ryouga furrowed his eyebrows together. "That's not what I mean, Kai," he huffed, grabbing my hand and pulling me back to my bedroom.

“What changed?”

“Hm?” Ryouga glanced back at me, raising an eyebrow.

“Was Father always like this before? Did he always end up hurting Mother, Kiko, and you? Did he hurt our brothers? Is that why they all left? Why didn’t you leave then?”

Ryouga seemed taken aback by the questions, turning his head away as we entered my room. “Yes, that’s why I told Jikonza to leave. Shinsami and Tosuke had already suspected that Father was changing, and they’re the ones that left first, warning me to keep an eye out. But no, Father hadn’t always been like this before. He’s become...obsessed with fantasies of power. He was approached by a man not too long ago about something that would give him immeasurable strength and power and allow him take control of Japan.”

“What? It wasn’t Takeda, was it?” I asked, my eyes wide as Ryouga caught me by the arms when it felt like I was going to fall to the ground.

“No. Takeda is just a man that Father is using as a political pawn to gain access to his connections in the government. That’s why he’s been so insistent on your marriage to Takeda,” Ryouga bit out, distaste and disgust flavoring every word. “Iba was smart though. If Father had been in his right mind, then I know he would’ve accepted the marriage…” A small smile quirked at the corners of his lips as he tapped my nose. “Of course… If he knew about the  _ true _ intentions behind the proposal though, Father wouldn’t have accepted.”

“You...knew?”

Ryouga let out a snort of laughter, his smile widening as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “Kaien, it would be hard for me  _ not _ to know… I’m your brother, and I’ve watched over you for  _ years _ at Shiei Hall. I know where your heart belongs.” His smile quickly disappeared almost as soon as it had appeared though. “That’s why you can never go back there. You heard how he was talking. If you left and went back there, then Father would have every single one of them killed. Our uncle, the students, your friends…”

Not for the first time that night, a shiver of fear slid down my spine. I tried not to focus on that. “You’re talking about me leaving as if...I’d be running away?”

“Because that’s what you’re going to do.” Ryouga’s gaze was serious as he finally let go of me, going over to the chest in the corner of my room and taking out a traveling outfit and a knapsack. “You’re going to take these things, and you’re going to leave. There’s a small village hidden away in the mountains to the west. Okamigakure. Go there.”

I stared at the fabric that was placed in my hands, biting my lip as I glanced back up at my brother. My brother whom I had thought all this time had been simply following our father’s orders. “What about you?” I choked out, the words catching in my throat. “Father would be furious if he finds out that I’ve disappeared… And if he finds out that you helped me…”

“Fate has other plans for you than being trapped in an unwanted marriage. That’s why Father won’t find out,” he murmured, pressing a kiss against my forehead. “I haven’t made it this far by getting caught.”

My grip tightened on the clothing in my hands as I threw my arms around my brother, hugging him for what I knew may likely be the last time. My voice cracked as tears streamed down my face. “Thank you… For everything… I know I haven’t always been appreciative of what you’ve tried to do for me, and I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay. Everything will be okay,” Ryouga whispered, rubbing my back with a sigh. “You’ll just have to stay strong. I believe in you. You’re so much stronger than anyone could’ve ever given you credit for. I know you’ll survive and that we’ll meet again someday.”

“Mm…” I stepped away with more difficulty than I expected, taking the clothes I had been given and moving behind the divider to get changed. A sigh of relief left me at the comfort from finally being out of the constricting women’s kimono I’d been having to wear since I’d returned. When I finished, I stood back in front of Ryouga, clutching the knapsack that he had given me. “What’s that?”

He lifted the long fabric-wrapped object in his hands, holding it out to me. “I’m simply returning something to you that is rightfully yours… You’ll need it…”

Peeling back the fabric, my eyes widened at the golden dragons on the metal. The katana that I had received for my birthday over seven years ago. I sighed as I grabbed the handle, a rush of familiarity and relief flooding through me. “Thank you, Ryouga…” His name was a whisper on my tongue as I tucked the katana into the sash at my waist with a nod.

With one last hug to my brother, I slipped out of the room, melting into the darkness that surrounded the estate. It wasn’t until I had made it to the cover of the forest, the distance between me and my childhood home steadily increasing, that I began to breathe a bit easier.

I didn’t know how long it would take me to reach Okamigakure or what dangers I would face along the way, but at least now I held my fate in my own hands.

And I would never let someone take that away from me again.


	6. Interlude 1: Iba's Musings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To sort of break up the story a bit more and not end up constantly writing 20 page long chapters (like chapter 4 was), I’m going to add some “interlude” chapters every now and then that will be shorter and just throw in a bit of perspective from some of the other characters too.

A sigh fell from Hachiro’s lips as he slid down off of his horse.

Guilt had been gnawing at his chest for the past several days after he and his father had been kicked out of the Kururugi residence. He had been so sure that his plan would end up working. Even his father had agreed to it.

But when they had arrived and the suitor that Kaien was bound to marry was already there… Well, it seemed as though his plan was already bound for failure before it could’ve been put into action. To think that Kaien’s father had already worked so fast on securing a husband for her. That Takeda fellow...

Still, he couldn’t forget the anger that blossomed within him when Kaien’s father had raised a hand against her. All for simply speaking out against the future marriage. Even now, Iba felt pissed off, but there was little that he could do about it.

Instead, he chose to focus on the one thing that he was capable of doing for her. The single request that she had given to him before they’d parted ways.

“Iba?”

Blinking, he glanced over at the entrance to the dojo, a familiar dark-haired figure standing there with a raised eyebrow. “Ah, Toshi! It’s good to see you.”

“Mm. You’re back sooner than I would’ve expected. Is everything okay?” Hijikata asked, placing a hand on the young teen’s shoulder.

“Well…” Iba’s smile faltered as he glanced away, the guilt and anger rising up again in his chest the more he thought about it. “Not precisely.”

“Did something happen to Kai?”

“Not yet. Not exactly…”

Hijikata’s eyebrows furrowed together. “Would you like to talk about it over some tea?”

“Not right now. Thank you for the offer.” Iba bowed before looking around the dojo. “I’m actually here on a request from Kaien. Did Harada-san ever come back?”

“Ah.” Rubbing his face, Hijikata’s expression softened. “Yes, he’s back… He’s upset, so if he yells at you, try not to take it to heart. He’s mostly upset with himself. For not being here for Kai when she was having to leave…”

“Don’t worry, Toshi.” Iba patted the older man’s arm. “He’s not the only one…”

_ After all,  _ **_I’m_ ** _ the one who had the most power to be able to keep Kaien safe.  _ **_I’m_ ** _ the one who made a promise to her that I’d help keep her from being married off. And I failed… If I can’t even keep a promise to a friend, then I’m never going to be worthy of marrying Chizuru... _

“I’ll go find Harada-san,” he said, waving a hand back at Hijikata and making his way through the dojo until he could find Kaien’s room. “Now let’s see…” He tapped his knuckles against the flooring around the room until he managed to find a spot where the wood was loose enough to lift up. Beneath the board was the journal he was looking for, just as Kaien had said.

Tucking the journal into his yukata, Iba left the room. His feet carried him around the grounds, following the sounds of someone training rigorously. Standing a few paces back against the wall, he watched as the redhead repeatedly swung and stabbed the practice spear into a set of training dummies. Far more aggressively than Iba had ever seen him.

_ Toshi wasn’t exaggerating… But I know I’d feel the same way if I were in his place. _

Iba cleared his throat, causing the elder teen to stop and turn towards him. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything, Harada-san.”

Grabbing a towel, Harada wiped the sweat from his face and neck, propping the staff against one of the dummies before plopping down on the ground near Iba. “No. Not interrupting. I was just…” He waved his hand before sighing, scrunching his nose up. “Frustrated. If I had known that Kai was going to end up leaving...” Amber eyes stared up at the young teen. “I wouldn’t have expected you to be back so soon.”

“You’re not the first person to say that,” Iba stated, a hint of amusement in his voice before frowning. “I’m actually here because Kaien asked me to speak with you. Apparently there was some kind of misunderstanding between the two of you, and she was worried about you.”

“A misunderstanding…” Harada repeated slowly, letting the words sink in.

“Mm. It was something about you being in love with her, but you thinking that she’s in love with Heisuke.”

“I do love her. I know she said something about thinking that I had started hating her, but that’s never been further from the truth. If that’s what she was worried about--”

“No, no. That’s not it at all.” He chuckled, sitting down on the ground next to the spearman. “It’s the Heisuke part. She’s never been in love with him. She never had a chance to tell you that though.”

Harada blinked at him. “Oh.” Biting his lip, he rested his forearms against his knees, his fists clenching and unclenching. “The two of them had gotten so close so quickly that I’d thought…”

“Would you like to know my thoughts about the matter, Harada-san?” Iba asked gently, resting a hand on the other’s shoulder. He waited until the other silently nodded before continuing. “I think Kaien was just happy to be able to have a friend that wouldn’t judge her or pity her--”

“But I didn’t--”

“--or feel  _ guilty  _ about not being able to protect her. Someone that she could feel normal around. Someone that also didn’t treat her like a helpless girl.” Iba paused for a moment, tilting his head in thought. “Did Heisuke ever even know that Kaien is a girl? Because if Kaien was simply only ever  _ Kai _ around him, then I think that makes it pretty clear that they were just friends.”

After a moment, Harada let out a soft curse. “Now that you mention it, I don’t think he ever did… He might be the only one that doesn’t know. Though I think Shinpachi even forgot that she’s a girl at times too…” There was a pause. “If I had only noticed and hadn’t jumped to conclusions about how she felt... I feel like I ruined my chances with her…”

Letting out a huff, Iba shook his head, even though he could understand where Harada was coming from. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. If you had, then I wouldn’t be here right now.” Reaching into his yukata, he pulled out Kaien’s journal. “She sent me back here for me to find this journal that she had hidden in her room. She wanted you to have it, and said that there’s a note for you on the last page,” he said as Harada gently took the leatherbound papers in his hands, flipping through the pages.

“It’s...mostly about me…” Harada mumbled, his fingers skimming across the papers reverently, drinking in the gentle swoops and arches of the calligraphy that inked the pages. It wasn’t until he reached the last page that he inhaled sharply, eyes widening in surprise. “She…”

Harada stood up so fast that Iba almost fell over beside him, having to hurry to catch up to the redhead as he was quickly walking away.

“What’s wrong? What did it say?” he asked, concern suddenly filling his chest. At least...until Iba saw the happiness that was across the other’s face.

“That she wished she had a chance to say it in person, but that she loves me and...she asked me to marry her.”

“And...what are you trying to do right now? If you’re thinking of heading to their family’s estate and asking her father for her hand in marriage, it’s not going to work. I already  _ tried _ .”

Those words seemed to freeze Harada in his place. “You tried to  **_marry her_ ** ?”

Wetting his lips, Iba continued, hoping to prevent any type of misunderstanding. Again. “My father and I tried to arrange a fake engagement so that Kaien would be able to continue training and for her to be able to still be around everyone. But her father already had a suitor picked out. They’ve likely already left the estate by now to head to his family’s home. The wedding itself wouldn’t be for several years though.” Iba hesitantly reached out and placed a hand on Harada’s arm, knowing the amount of pain he was likely going through. After all, Iba felt his own guilt for being unable to fulfill the promise that he had made to Kaien when they’d first met.

“So what exactly am I supposed to do then? Just sit around and let the girl I love get married off to some stranger?” the redhead bit out, punching the wall beside them, a growl in his throat.

“No. You trust Kaien. And you wait for her. She’s not just going to lay down and give up. She’s going to fight for what she wants, and I know that...somehow...someday...she’ll find her way back to you…”

“But what if something happens to her...and she  _ doesn’t _ ?”

Amber eyes met green, and for the first time, Iba saw the amount of world-shattering grief that filled the man in front of him. He was at a loss for what to say. After all, how could he even relate to having the love of his life being ripped away from him without being able to do anything about it?

“...Then we just have to pray that it doesn’t.”


End file.
